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The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal."A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situ

Essay topics: The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.

"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring.
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

Pallavi Sapkale's picture

The argument states a conclusion on several assumptions and study,the Birth order on individuals level of stimulations.However this argument is unwarranted and has many flaws.

To begin with,first evidence produced is the recent study of eighteen monkeys,which is unclear.Study was surveyed only on eighteen numbers of rhesus monkeys,whereas there may be more monkeys than actual numbers.if the study was made on the entire monkey population of a particluar location,it would have better helped in concluding results.To proplled in to the conclusion just by eighten monkeys study,will obviously lead to wrong results.

The study results are problematic in additional aspects as well. Stimulating situations are encountered between unfamiliar monkeys.If monkeys are unfamiliar,it might be possibility that they bear diffrent body level activities and on average the results is, they bear a similar trend.The assumptions made here is unfamiliar monkeys bear same level of body activity which may be true or may wrong,not gurranted.If the study would have done with familiar monkeys and these results can been compared to results of unfamiliar monkeys,results would have been appropriate.Because any two things in the world can be similar, but not identical.

The argument relies on what might be false analogy between humans and animals stimulating systems.There is weak analogy drawn between first born in humans and first born in monkeys.Arguments would have been true if study was compared between two animals or between two humans.Unless human and monkey do share relevant and similar circumtances,it would have been easy to drawn the results.For example, if study was done on second offsprings of human body and then compared with many other same demographic,results would been warranted.Perhaps,in this study two unsimilar species is compared to draw a final conclusion, which is unbiased.

At last,Is the firstborn infant monkey only the reason to increase the activity levels? Yet no evidence is offered to substantiate the conclusion.There might some other factor behind reason of increased activity levels,which was failed to encountered during the study.The conclusion is drawn only by one study that is on first infant,which not sufficient to scant evidence for claiming such cause and effect.If the study would have provided with additional research on other factors for revealling increased activity levels,then conclusion would not be flawed.

To bolster this conclusion,additional evidences and exact census of demographic should be provided.Indiviual species results should be compared rather than to different species.Addition to it,the exact number of factors should be emperically studied to draw a conclusion.

In conclusion context,lack of strong evidence brings the study to be encountering lots errors and mistakes.

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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 66, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: , the
...clusion on several assumptions and study,the Birth order on individuals level of sti...
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Suggestion: However
...er on individuals level of stimulations.However this argument is unwarranted and has ma...
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...er on individuals level of stimulations.However this argument is unwarranted and has ma...
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Line 4, column 14, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: , first
...d and has many flaws. To begin with,first evidence produced is the recent study o...
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Line 4, column 78, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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... is the recent study of eighteen monkeys,which is unclear.Study was surveyed only on e...
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Suggestion: Study
...dy of eighteen monkeys,which is unclear.Study was surveyed only on eighteen numbers o...
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Suggestion: , whereas
...ly on eighteen numbers of rhesus monkeys,whereas there may be more monkeys than actual n...
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Line 4, column 290, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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...nkey population of a particluar location,it would have better helped in concluding ...
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...ave better helped in concluding results.To proplled in to the conclusion just by e...
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Line 4, column 403, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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...conclusion just by eighten monkeys study,will obviously lead to wrong results. The...
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Line 6, column 37, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
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Suggestion:
... The study results are problematic in additional aspects as well. Stimulating ...
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Line 6, column 133, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: If
... encountered between unfamiliar monkeys.If monkeys are unfamiliar,it might be poss...
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Line 6, column 158, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: , it
...miliar monkeys.If monkeys are unfamiliar,it might be possibility that they bear dif...
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Line 6, column 286, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: The
...e results is, they bear a similar trend.The assumptions made here is unfamiliar mon...
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Line 6, column 397, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: , not
... activity which may be true or may wrong,not gurranted.If the study would have done ...
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Line 6, column 412, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: If
... may be true or may wrong,not gurranted.If the study would have done with familiar...
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Line 6, column 425, Rule ID: IF_WOULD_HAVE_VBN[1]
Message: Did you mean 'had done'?
Suggestion: had done
...or may wrong,not gurranted.If the study would have done with familiar monkeys and these results...
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Line 6, column 481, Rule ID: PRP_PAST_PART[4]
Message: Did you mean 'can be' or 'has been'?
Suggestion: can be; has been
...with familiar monkeys and these results can been compared to results of unfamiliar monke...
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Line 6, column 531, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: , results
...ompared to results of unfamiliar monkeys,results would have been appropriate.Because any...
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Suggestion: Because
...eys,results would have been appropriate.Because any two things in the world can be simi...
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Line 10, column 99, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: There
... humans and animals stimulating systems.There is weak analogy drawn between first bor...
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Suggestion: Arguments
...orn in humans and first born in monkeys.Arguments would have been true if study was compa...
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Line 10, column 277, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: Unless
...tween two animals or between two humans.Unless human and monkey do share relevant and ...
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Suggestion: , it
... share relevant and similar circumtances,it would have been easy to drawn the resul...
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Suggestion: For
...uld have been easy to drawn the results.For example, if study was done on second of...
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Line 10, column 505, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: , results
...ompared with many other same demographic,results would been warranted.Perhaps,in this st...
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Line 10, column 520, Rule ID: PRP_PAST_PART[2]
Message: Did you mean 'have been' or 'be'?
Suggestion: have been; be
...ny other same demographic,results would been warranted.Perhaps,in this study two uns...
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Line 10, column 535, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: Perhaps
...emographic,results would been warranted.Perhaps,in this study two unsimilar species is ...
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Line 10, column 542, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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...hic,results would been warranted.Perhaps,in this study two unsimilar species is com...
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Line 14, column 8, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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...usion, which is unbiased. At last,Is the firstborn infant monkey only the r...
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Line 14, column 11, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
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...on, which is unbiased. At last,Is the firstborn infant monkey only the rea...
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... offered to substantiate the conclusion.There might some other factor behind reason o...
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...hind reason of increased activity levels,which was failed to encountered during the st...
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... failed to encountered during the study.The conclusion is drawn only by one study t...
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...nly by one study that is on first infant,which not sufficient to scant evidence for cl...
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Suggestion: If
...ence for claiming such cause and effect.If the study would have provided with addi...
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Suggestion: had provided
...ming such cause and effect.If the study would have provided with additional research on other facto...
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Line 14, column 525, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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...for revealling increased activity levels,then conclusion would not be flawed. To b...
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...be flawed. To bolster this conclusion,additional evidences and exact census of demograph...
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Line 16, column 100, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: Indiviual
...ensus of demographic should be provided.Indiviual species results should be compared rath...
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Suggestion: Addition
...mpared rather than to different species.Addition to it,the exact number of factors shou...
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...than to different species.Addition to it,the exact number of factors should be empe...
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Line 16, column 212, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
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...ecies.Addition to it,the exact number of factors should be emperically studied to...
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Line 18, column 22, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , lack
...w a conclusion. In conclusion context,lack of strong evidence brings the study to ...
^^^^^

Discourse Markers used:
['but', 'first', 'however', 'if', 'may', 'second', 'so', 'then', 'well', 'whereas', 'for example', 'in conclusion', 'to begin with']

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance in Part of Speech:
Nouns: 0.247357293869 0.25644967241 96% => OK
Verbs: 0.194503171247 0.15541462614 125% => OK
Adjectives: 0.131078224101 0.0836205057962 157% => OK
Adverbs: 0.0359408033827 0.0520304965353 69% => OK
Pronouns: 0.0126849894292 0.0272364105082 47% => OK
Prepositions: 0.107822410148 0.125424944231 86% => OK
Participles: 0.0718816067653 0.0416121511921 173% => OK
Conjunctions: 3.53141952106 2.79052419416 127% => OK
Infinitives: 0.0317124735729 0.026700313972 119% => OK
Particles: 0.0 0.001811407834 0% => OK
Determiners: 0.0676532769556 0.113004496875 60% => OK
Modal_auxiliary: 0.0422832980973 0.0255425247493 166% => OK
WH_determiners: 0.014799154334 0.0127820249294 116% => OK

Vocabulary words and sentences:
No of characters: 2866.0 2731.13054187 105% => OK
No of words: 422.0 446.07635468 95% => OK
Chars per words: 6.79146919431 6.12365571057 111% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.53239876712 4.57801047555 99% => OK
words length more than 5 chars: 0.421800947867 0.378187486979 112% => OK
words length more than 6 chars: 0.343601895735 0.287650121315 119% => OK
words length more than 7 chars: 0.258293838863 0.208842608468 124% => OK
words length more than 8 chars: 0.184834123223 0.135150697306 137% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.53141952106 2.79052419416 127% => OK
Unique words: 211.0 207.018472906 102% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.5 0.469332199767 107% => OK
Word variations: 55.6869205036 52.1807786196 107% => OK
How many sentences: 9.0 20.039408867 45% => More sentences wanted.
Sentence length: 46.8888888889 23.2022227129 202% => Sentence lengths are too long.
Sentence length SD: 207.080827543 57.7814097925 358% => The lengths of sentences changed so frequently.
Chars per sentence: 318.444444444 141.986410481 224% => Less chars per sentence wanted.
Words per sentence: 46.8888888889 23.2022227129 202% => Less words per sentence wanted.
Discourse Markers: 1.44444444444 0.724660767414 199% => Less Discourse Markers wanted.
Paragraphs: 7.0 5.14285714286 136% => OK
Language errors: 44.0 3.58251231527 1228% => Correct essay format wanted or double check grammar & spelling issues after essay writing.
Readability: 81.2490784623 51.9672348444 156% => OK
Elegance: 1.75652173913 1.8405768891 95% => OK

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.385082710461 0.441005458295 87% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence: 0.18147531469 0.135418324435 134% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence SD: 0.084670141721 0.0829849096947 102% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence: 0.874297725668 0.58762219726 149% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence SD: 0.220379924053 0.147661913831 149% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.230358774288 0.193483328276 119% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0685526557363 0.0970749176394 71% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence: 0.278393014373 0.42659136922 65% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence SD: 0.0738504464141 0.0774707102158 95% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.246961946455 0.312017818177 79% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0762229360097 0.0698173142475 109% => OK

Task Achievement:
Sentences with positive sentiment : 4.0 8.33743842365 48% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.87684729064 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.82512315271 0% => More neutral sentences wanted.
Positive topic words: 4.0 6.46551724138 62% => OK
Negative topic words: 4.0 5.36822660099 75% => OK
Neutral topic words: 0.0 2.82389162562 0% => More neutral topic words wanted.
Total topic words: 8.0 14.657635468 55% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6 -- The score is based on the average performance of 20,000 argument essays. This e-grader is not smart enough to check on arguments.
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Note: This is not the final score. The e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.