The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that
during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
This letter cites that due to the fact that firstborn infant monkeys produce higher hormone cortisol than their younger siblings, as a result, the writer presumed that the birth order affects its levels of stimulation, connection between the hormone cortisol and increased activity levels is offered to support his or her argument. The writer's argument appears to be somewhat appealing, while a close examination will reveal that it omits some important concerns that should be addressed to substantiate the argument.
The writer's argument is based on a recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys. Whereas the study may take place in a lab or the researcher simply takes time to observe in the monkey's residential place, however, the behavior of eighteen monkeys does not equal to all monkeys. Let alone if were the experiment or observation taken place in the lab environment. This very finding - firstborn infant monkeys produce higher cortisol level - may only exists among these eighteen monkeys. In order to legitimate the finding, more data should be collected and analyzed, for example, increase the number of monkeys in terms of quantity and types. Moreover, more information about the experiment measure, either lab-based or wildlife-based environment should be revealed to shed light on the topic.
One piece of evidence stated in the letter is that the hormone cortisol is an element that prompts body for increased activity levels. Yet it appears that the writer mistakenly equal the rise in hormone cortisol, which is a potential grow in the activity levels as explained, with the level of stimulation, if not reactive. No matter are the monkeys or humans having a rise in hormone cortisol, they are prone to response, however, they can choose not to response. In that case, the firstborns who 'clam' themselves and choose not to react to the stimulation, does not fit in the category, which will obviously undermine the writer's claim.
In the letter stated another finding which is the first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol compare to others who already had several offspring. It does not lend any support to the writer's claim whatsoever. First-time mother monkeys may not be firstborns, a first-time mother monkey could be the third child in the family, in this respect, it undermines the argument.
In sum, the writer's evidence lends little credible support to his or her claim. In order to bolster his or her claim, the writer would need to provide with detailed data and thorough analysis about firstborn real-life behaviors that can represent their levels of stimulation. We would also need more information about how the experiment or study operates for the finding to be more persuasive.
Comments
e-rater score report
wrong arguments
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 441 350
No. of Characters: 2236 1500
No. of Different Words: 205 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.583 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.07 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.616 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 179 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 137 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 92 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 47 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.5 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.453 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.611 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.338 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.573 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.131 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 337, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'writers'' or 'writer's'?
Suggestion: writers'; writer's
...red to support his or her argument. The writers argument appears to be somewhat appeali...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 5, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'writers'' or 'writer's'?
Suggestion: writers'; writer's
...ed to substantiate the argument. The writers argument is based on a recent study of ...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 335, Rule ID: MASS_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: 'is'.
Suggestion: is
...stimulation, if not reactive. No matter are the monkeys or humans having a rise in ...
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, however, if, may, moreover, so, third, whereas, while, for example, as a result
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 19.6327345309 81% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 11.1786427146 125% => OK
Relative clauses : 15.0 13.6137724551 110% => OK
Pronoun: 31.0 28.8173652695 108% => OK
Preposition: 52.0 55.5748502994 94% => OK
Nominalization: 22.0 16.3942115768 134% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2291.0 2260.96107784 101% => OK
No of words: 441.0 441.139720559 100% => OK
Chars per words: 5.19501133787 5.12650576532 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.58257569496 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.72098839646 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 212.0 204.123752495 104% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.480725623583 0.468620217663 103% => OK
syllable_count: 715.5 705.55239521 101% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 19.7664670659 91% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 22.8473053892 105% => OK
Sentence length SD: 60.3038602044 57.8364921388 104% => OK
Chars per sentence: 127.277777778 119.503703932 107% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.5 23.324526521 105% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.11111111111 5.70786347227 90% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 4.0 8.20758483034 49% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.147983208815 0.218282227539 68% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0492664342271 0.0743258471296 66% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0493123358901 0.0701772020484 70% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0800323619172 0.128457276422 62% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0286687409 0.0628817314937 46% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.3 14.3799401198 106% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 47.12 48.3550499002 97% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 12.197005988 104% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.18 12.5979740519 105% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.59 8.32208582834 103% => OK
difficult_words: 105.0 98.500998004 107% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.1389221557 104% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.