The following is a recommendation from the Board of Directors of Monarch Books.
"We recommend that Monarch Books open a café in its store. Monarch, having been in business at the same location for more than twenty years, has a large customer base because it is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Clearly, opening the café would attract more customers. Space could be made for the café by discontinuing the children's book section, which will probably become less popular given that the most recent national census indicated a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten. Opening a café will allow Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened its own café."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
In the above recommendation, from the Board of Directors of Monarch books, they state that a cafe must be opened in its store to attract more customers to the book store. The argument given by the directors, seems very interesting, but on careful analysis, one can easily realize that the argument pointless and irrelevant.
Firstly, the suggestion to open a cafe is followed by seeing the Regal Books store having one, and it seems to attract more people. But this could not be as beneficial to Monarch Books store as it is to the other store. It can be possible that the people that go to Regal books only go their to hang out in the cafe and are really not interested in the books. So, there would be no profit to the store if the customers only turn out to hang out in the cafe. Furthermore, the old and esteemed readers that come to the store to read under a placid enviornment, that they get currently, will be pesterd by the noise created in the cafe. This will make them angry and they would not come to the store feeling unsatisfied.
Also, if the store has been there for twenty long years, it may be possible that the building structure and ambience may be antiquated. So, they directors should try to renovate the building and give it a fresh new look that may atrract more customers. Also, if they try to copy their oppenent's strategy, they may lose their uphold and superiority.
Futher, the directors have recommended to build this cafe in the childeren's book area, as they find that according to the census the population of children under ten will decline. I dont agree with it, as even though there may be a decline, there will always be some group of people demanding them. The decline may be just one or two percent, and hence it must not be considered to remove the chilren's section. Also, the diectors must see to it that area can be utilized to put up new books, currently in trend. This will also attract the crowd, as they may have books from old to recent times.
In the end, it is clearly evident that just opening a cafe is not the best solution for attracting new customers. Rather it may happen that they may lose old and prestigious customers. So the argument is not bolstered and analyzed well by the directors and their recommendation fails. They must focus on other areas to improve the sale of their stores that will give them an edge over the competetive stores.
Sentence: So, they directors should try to renovate the building and give it a fresh new look that may atrract more customers.
Description: A pronoun, personal, nominative, not 3rd person singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to they and directors
Sentence: Furthermore, the old and esteemed readers that come to the store to read under a placid enviornment, that they get currently, will be pesterd by the noise created in the cafe.
Error: enviornment Suggestion: environment
Error: pesterd Suggestion: pester
Sentence: Also, if the store has been there for twenty long years, it may be possible that the building structure and ambience may be antiquated.
Error: ambience Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: So, they directors should try to renovate the building and give it a fresh new look that may atrract more customers.
Error: atrract Suggestion: attract
Sentence: Also, the diectors must see to it that area can be utilized to put up new books, currently in trend.
Error: diectors Suggestion: directors
Sentence: They must focus on other areas to improve the sale of their stores that will give them an edge over the competetive stores.
Error: competetive Suggestion: competitive
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argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- not OK. Don't refer something new.
argument 3 -- not OK.
suggested:
does the percentage decline observed in national census applicable to the more specific region near the Monarch Books? The assumption that the children book section will become less popular is dependent on the answer. Consider if the population under ten remained unaffected near the monarch books region, then discontinuing the children books section will have an adverse effect and may even lead to reduction in revenue .Moreover even if there was an decline in population of the children under ten , the assumptions that no other customers other than those under ten children buys books from children section is unreasonable.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 435 350
No. of Characters: 1918 1500
No. of Different Words: 193 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.567 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.409 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.385 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 101 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 78 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 56 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 38 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.75 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.319 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.75 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.311 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.542 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.113 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5