Of the two leading real estate firms in our town—Adams Realty and Fitch Realty—Adams Realty is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents; in contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch's $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago I listed my home with Fitch, and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams Realty."
The argument that Adams Realty is better than Fitch Realty is not entirely logically convincing as it ignores certain crucial assumptions.
First, the argument states that Adams has 40 real estate agents and Fitch has 25, many of who work only part time. The number of staffs in a real estate agency should not determine its quality, a company could have 100 staffs and yet have a very a poor delivery. On the other hand, a company could have just 20 staffs with a very efficient delivery. Thus, this should not be a basis of analogy between the two firms.
Second, the argument states that Adams revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch. Adams Realty could be involved in other businesses like construction, restaurants etc that generates revenue for the firm making it earn more than Fitch Realty. Since it was clearly stated that Adams Revenue including home sales averaged it to $168,000 affirms the assumption that Adams Revenue has other businesses.
Finally, the author said that 10 years ago he listed his home with Fitch Realty and it took more than four months to sell. It could be possible that as at that time, people were not interested in buying houses people contracted the sales of their houses to the firms more popular than Fitch Realty. The author also buttressed his point by saying that a year ago, he sold another house listed with Adams Realty and it took just one month. There could be a possibility that people were more interested in buying houses at that time.
Thus, the argument is not completely sound. The evidence in support of the conclusion that Adams Realty is better than Fitch Realty does little to prove it, since it does not address the assumptions already raised. Ultimately the argument might have been strengthened if the author had shown more conclusive evidences to bolster the argument like addressing the long term popularity of both firms.
Sentence: First, the argument states that Adams has 40 real estate agents and Fitch has 25, many of who work only part time.
Description: The token of is not usually followed by a WH-pronoun, nominative
Suggestion: Refer to of and who
Sentence: The number of staffs in a real estate agency should not determine its quality, a company could have 100 staffs and yet have a very a poor delivery.
Description: The tag a qualifier, pre is not usually followed by a
Suggestion: Refer to very and a
flaws:
No. of Words: 327 350
For issue essays, around 450 words, for argument essays, around 400 words.
argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- Not OK. 'revenue more' doesn't mean profit more.
argument 3 -- OK
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 327 350
No. of Characters: 1540 1500
No. of Different Words: 162 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.252 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.709 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.32 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 104 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 61 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 39 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 26 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.8 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.524 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.533 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.366 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.629 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.106 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5