You are hereThe CoffeeCart beverage and food service located in the lobby of our main office building is not earning enough in sales to cover its costs, and so the cart may discontinue operating at GBS. Given the low staff morale, as evidenced by the increase in the

The CoffeeCart beverage and food service located in the lobby of our main office building is not earning enough in sales to cover its costs, and so the cart may discontinue operating at GBS. Given the low staff morale, as evidenced by the increase in the


ambarish55's picture

By ambarish55 - Posted on 11 October 2012

Essay topic: 

The CoffeeCart beverage and food service located in the lobby of our main office building is not earning enough in sales to cover its costs, and so the cart may discontinue operating at GBS. Given the low staff morale, as evidenced by the increase in the number of employees leaving the company, the loss of this service could present a problem, especially since the staff morale questionnaire showed widespread dissatisfaction with the snack machines. Therefore, supervisors should remind the employees in their group to patronize the cart --after all, it was leased for their convenience so that they would not have to walk over to the cafeteria on breaks.

The argument that CoffeeCart beverages and food service may discontinue operating at GBS Company due to inadequate sales omits some important concerns that must be addressed to substantiate the argument. The statement that follows, reasons out the problems that the employees face and gives some evidence to support its claims. Further, the author concludes by giving a solution that the supervisor needs to remind the employees in the group to patronize the cart. This alone does not constitute a logical argument and it certainly does not provide support or proof to the main argument.

Most conspicuously, the argument does not address for how long the CoffeeCart is not earning enough to cover its costs. If it is a newly started venture then it will definitely take time to break even. The author needs to consider a pattern of sales data before drawing conclusions.

First, the argument assumes that the staff has a low morale and so there is an increase in the number of employees leaving the company. In a weak attempt to support its claim, the argument gives the evidence of the staff morale questionnaire which showed widespread dissatisfaction with the snack machine. There is a possibility that all other beverage and food are still preferred by the employees and only the snack machines need to be replaced.

Second, the argument never addresses the proper reason for the increase in number of employees leaving the company. It is quite possible that a rival firm is paying more salary and offering a lot many incentives to attract the employees.

Finally, if the staff is imposed to patronize the cart which will further increase their dissatisfaction. If the cart was leased for the convenience of the employees, the company needs to allocate a fund for proper maintenance of the cart. The argument does not address what is the root cause of the problem causing the sales to drop. There is also a possibility that a minor change can actually put the business back to profit, say for e.g. revision in the rate of items offered in the menu.

Because the argument leaves out several key issues, it is not sound or persuasive. If it included the items discussed above instead of solely concluding to shut down operations, the argument would have been far more through and convincing.

Average: 7 (4 votes)
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essayE-rater's picture

Sentence: The argument that CoffeeCart beverages and food service may discontinue operating at GBS Company due to inadequate sales omits some important concerns that must be addressed to substantiate the argument.
Description: The fragment sales omits some is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace omits with verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive

flaws:
Sentence Length SD: 4.879 7.5

Read this link to understand What is sentence length SD:
http://www.testbig.com/question/questions-about-essay-e-rater

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 386 350
No. of Characters: 1875 1500
No. of Different Words: 204 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.432 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.858 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.676 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 132 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 108 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 72 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 42 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.444 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.879 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.321 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.591 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.057 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5

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