The following appeared in a memo from the marketing director of Bargain Brand Cereals."One year ago we introduced our first product, 'Bargain Brand' breakfast cereal. Our very low prices quickly drew many customers away from the top-selling cereal compani

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The following appeared in a memo from the marketing director of Bargain Brand Cereals.
"One year ago we introduced our first product, 'Bargain Brand' breakfast cereal. Our very low prices quickly drew many customers away from the top-selling cereal companies. Although the companies producing the top brands have since tried to compete with us by lowering their prices, and although several plan to introduce their own budget brands, not once have we needed to raise our prices to continue making a profit. Given our success selling cereal, Bargain Brand should now expand its business and begin marketing other low-priced food products as quickly as possible."

In this statement, the marketing director of Bagain Brand cereal states that their new product. "Bagain Brand" which is a breakfast cereal, has been quickly attracted more customers from other famous companies because of its lower prices. Moreover, he mentions that the other companies also have tried to reduce their prices and have made a lot of effort to introduce their brands while Bargain Brand does not need to raise its price to gain a benefit. In addition, he explains the Bagain Brand's company must start other businesses and marketing for low-priced food. However, the author never pay enough attention to the some possibilities, assumptions and questions which could come to mind as follows.

Firstly, the author claims that the low-price cased the customers to be allured by their company; however, he never takes into account the effect of quality. In fact, there is a possibility that the quality of other companies has been dicreased and therefore, customers decided to try a new producer. Moreover, he/she never mentioned that the state of other companies; in another word, it might be a stopping in producing that kind of breakfast cereal. In fact, the customers might have left the top-selling companies because of the stop in producing. Therefore, the author must consider other conditions such as the quality and the state of the other companies for better conclusion.

Secondly, he/she explains that her/his company will not need to increase its price while other companies are intruding their products; but he/she never discussed that if this manner will be continued by company, the benefit will be also continued? There is a possibility that other companies could enhance the quality of their products and control the marketing. Moreover, he/she never explains about the costs of company. He/she must also consider all the costs that may accompanied by producing and after this work, it would be more reliable that state the lower price will contain profit.

Thirdly, he/she states that they must also start producing of other products. However, the author never discusses about the quality of new products that will be produced. It might not be the same as quality as the breakfast cereal and the customers would not be eager to buy it even in a low price. In fact, producing new low-price food product is not enough solely that could be decided starting it.

As a summary, this statement needs to be more expanded and explained by the author to be more convincing and more strong.

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Average: 7.7 (6 votes)
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Sentence: He/she must also consider all the costs that may accompanied by producing and after this work, it would be more reliable that state the lower price will contain profit.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, past participle
Suggestion: Refer to may and accompanied

flaws:
No. of Different Words: 169 200

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 421 350
No. of Characters: 2038 1500
No. of Different Words: 169 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.53 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.841 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.468 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 140 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 111 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 76 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 53 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.158 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.08 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.737 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.352 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.557 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.183 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5