The following recommendation was made by the president and administrative staff of Grove College, a private institution, to the college's governing committee.
"We recommend that Grove College preserve its century-old tradition of all-female education rather than admit men into its programs. It is true that a majority of faculty members voted in favor of coeducation, arguing that it would encourage more students to apply to Grove. But eighty percent of the students responding to a survay conducted by the student government wanted the school to remain all female, and over half of the alumni who answered a separate survay also opposed coeducation. Keeping the college all-female, therefore, will improve morale among students and convince alumni to keep supporting the college financially."
The author explains that the Grove College must preserve its century-old tradition of all female education instead of admitting men into its program. He/she claims that in a survay, eighty percent of the students supports his/her idea. Moreover, more that fifty percent of the alumni who answered another survay agree with the author. The author makes a conclusion of admitting just female for college. The author in his/her claim, just presents some general assumptions and claims. The claim needs more details and expansion that could prove his/her statement is true.
Firstly, the author mentions that in a survay among students, eighty percent of them have supported his/her idea; however, he/she never explains about what kind of survay and among what kind of students. The survaying has a lot of shapes and forms that any of them, results a different output. For instance, if it is just “yes” or “no” survaying, it will have a diverse result rather than a survaying in form of “consequitive questions”. Therefore, he/she must throughly explains about the survaying that has been done.
Secondly, the author does not explain about the “statistical collection”. I mean , he/she must compeletly explain about the people that have been questioned. He/she maybe just asked from females and never questioned from male; hence, in this case maybe the result will be more likely to females and more females will agree to the policy. Therefore, the author must throughly explains abut the “statistical collection”.
Thirdly, he/she claims that the alumni also support his/her idea and therefore, will help more the college financially. This claim is not fully expanded. The author must prove that the only reason that engenders alumni to help financialy is admitting females in college. Is this the only reason or there are another reasons. For example, financialy support by alumni may caused owing to the fact they love their colege and always want support. Another reason may it be that the college make the a responsibility to support the college. Hence, admitting female will not be a sufficient reason that could be satisfying.
As a summary, the reasons that the author has been made are so weak and needs to be more extended. Nevertheless, its conclution is not proper based on the reasons.
Sentence: Is this the only reason or there are another reasons.
Description: The tag a determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by the
Suggestion: Refer to this and the
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to another and reasons
Sentence: For example, financialy support by alumni may caused owing to the fact they love their colege and always want support.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, past participle
Suggestion: Refer to may and caused
Sentence: Another reason may it be that the college make the a responsibility to support the college.
Description: The token the is not usually followed by an article
Suggestion: Refer to the and a
Sentence: He/she claims that in a survay, eighty percent of the students supports his/her idea.
Error: survay Suggestion: survey
Sentence: Moreover, more that fifty percent of the alumni who answered another survay agree with the author.
Error: survay Suggestion: survey
Sentence: Firstly, the author mentions that in a survay among students, eighty percent of them have supported his/her idea; however, he/she never explains about what kind of survay and among what kind of students.
Error: survay Suggestion: survey
Sentence: The survaying has a lot of shapes and forms that any of them, results a different output.
Error: survaying Suggestion: surveying
Sentence: For instance, if it is just yes or no survaying, it will have a diverse result rather than a survaying in form of consequitive questions.
Error: consequitive Suggestion: consecutive
Error: survaying Suggestion: surveying
Sentence: Therefore, he/she must throughly explains about the survaying that has been done.
Error: throughly Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: survaying Suggestion: surveying
Sentence: I mean , he/she must compeletly explain about the people that have been questioned.
Error: compeletly Suggestion: completely
Sentence: Therefore, the author must throughly explains abut the statistical collection.
Error: throughly Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: The author must prove that the only reason that engenders alumni to help financialy is admitting females in college.
Error: financialy Suggestion: financial
Sentence: For example, financialy support by alumni may caused owing to the fact they love their colege and always want support.
Error: financialy Suggestion: financial
Error: colege Suggestion: college
Sentence: Nevertheless, its conclution is not proper based on the reasons.
Error: conclution Suggestion: conclusion
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 14 2
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 14 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 385 350
No. of Characters: 1850 1500
No. of Different Words: 172 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.43 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.805 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.454 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 134 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 93 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 57 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 40 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.739 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.998 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.609 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.307 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.522 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.172 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5