Below is a map of the city of Brandfield City planners have decided to build a new shopping mall for the area and two sites S1 and S2 have been proposed Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where rele

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Below is a map of the city of Brandfield. City planners have decided to build a new shopping mall for the area, and two sites, S1 and S2 have been proposed.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The depicted diagram illustrates two possible areas in order to a new shopping centre in Brandfield. The main discrepancy between these sites is that S1 is located near the residential area, while S2 is much more loser to the industrial zone.

Looking at the information in more detail, we can easily determine that S1 lies between the residential part and city centre. Additionally, it is surrounded by river, road and railway which make it easily accessible.

The second proposed place, S2, is situated on the left side of railway and is closer to the main road. Being near the industrial area...

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in order to a new shopping centre in Brandfield
in order to + do something

Sentence: Furthermore, as the first site, this area also is far from the golf course and parks which is lying along the west side of the city.
Description: The fragment and parks which is not usually followed by is
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace is with are

flaws:
Be careful about the conclusion. Make sure you don't make something extra. some samples:

para 1: introduction
para 2: body 1
para 3: body 2
para 4: conclusion

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or
para 1: introduction
para 2: conclusion
para 3: body 1
para 4: body 2

sample:
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http://www.testbig.com/ielts-essays/graphs-below-show-types-music-album…
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 7.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 8 10
No. of Words: 170 200
No. of Characters: 783 1000
No. of Different Words: 100 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.611 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.606 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.677 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 44 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 33 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 25 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 19 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.25 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.717 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.415 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.71 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.115 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4