The graph below shows the changes in maximum number of Asian elephants between 1994 and 2007.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Essay topics:

The graph below shows the changes in maximum number of Asian elephants between 1994 and 2007.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Submitted by Umb221 on Tue, 09/03/2013 - 07:52

The diagram illustrates the evolution of Asian elephant demographic trends in some countries, in 1997 and 2004. In detail, data represents the maximum number of elephants estimated in each country.

At a glance, almost each country except for Cambodia presented a decrease of estimated elephants, with Thailand, China and Malaysia showing the most consistent reduction with a loss of approximately 50% to 60% of 1997 values. Furthermore, a second group of countries including India, Sri Lanka and Myanmar was characterized for a decrease between 10% and 20% of starting values, respectively of almost 24,000, 2,000 and 5,000 units.

Despite the general trend, a couple of countries show substantially steady tendencies: Vietnam with a loss of almost 100 elephants, Laos with no changes comparing 1997 to 2004, and the aforementioned Cambodia, where the number of animals went up of roughly 200 units.

Overall, the estimated maximum population of Asian elephants decreased in the considered countries, of approximately 35,000 units.

Votes
Average: 7 (2 votes)
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IELTS

Comments

flaws:
Be sensitive to use percent (Better to use number like that in the model answer) and total numbers. for example: ...of approximately 35,000 units. (We are wondering how can you make time in real exam to add those numbers?)

Try to follow the style from model answers. It is not shameful to take words or sentences directly from the model answers.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 6 10
No. of Words: 158 200
No. of Characters: 846 1000
No. of Different Words: 94 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.545 4.0
Average Word Length: 5.354 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.067 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 70 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 54 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 39 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 31 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.333 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.22 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.333 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.482 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.811 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.087 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4

Thanks, I'll use percentages only when necessary.
I'm trying to write only what I see (I have to practice on it, improving my vocabulary to be able to express a few concepts in a various way). It is really better if I start writing in the same style of model answers, otherwise I'm afraid I won't get 7 in the writing session.
Cheers and thanks