People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This made our lives generally more comfortable but many traditional values and customs have been lost and this is a pity. To what extend do you agree and disagree?

Essay topics: People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This made our lives generally more comfortable but many traditional values and customs have been lost and this is a pity. To what extend do you agree and disagree?

dhimas_wijaya's picture

Over the past thirty years, many companies have sold products in the market place. People work very hard to fulfill all their basic needs. Here in Indonesia, people buy all commodities both from domestic or international market. Although there are many benefits of using new products, I would argue that it could bring negative effects in traditional cultures to consider.

Firstly, the increasing of creative sectors give high income to the government. Then, people can work in many sectors. The cost of products which use modern technology is cheaper rather than using traditional tools. As a result, the ability of societies to purchase the latest product will increase dramatically. People seem happier than previously because they could get newest gadget. In addition, many international companies come to Indonesia to invest their product. The economy in developing country could increase steadily.

Secondly, there are some disadvantages from this phenomenon. People tend to more consuming than three decades ago. Using modern product also give bad effects for the local commodity. The awareness of support local product –include values and customs- decrease slightly. If governments do not give large place for domestic products, the international products could be the primary choice for the majority of societies.
In my opinion, the government should held festivals several times each year. With many exhibitions ,`local products can be promoted in the market place. In addition, by held a festival, government combine imported commodity but still keep local heritage.

In conclusion, purchasing international products could give benefits and disadvantages. It is a vital, therefore, for a government to protect local product which have values and customs by held regular festival.

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Sentence: The awareness of support local product include values and customs- decrease slightly.
Description: The fragment include values is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace include with verb, past participle
Description: A noun, singular, common is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to support and local

Sentence: In my opinion, the government should held festivals several times each year.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, past participle
Suggestion: Refer to should and held

flaws:
Avg. Sentence Length: 13 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.419 7.5
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.023 0.07

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 273 350
No. of Characters: 1476 1500
No. of Different Words: 161 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.065 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.407 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.74 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 116 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 94 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 66 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 35 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 13 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.419 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.524 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.289 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.443 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.023 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5