In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

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In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

It is undeniable that obesity –body mass index in over range of standard is rising in countries then it can cause degradation of health and fitness status among people. However, I believe that serious action should be taken to overcome this problem.

Nowadays, pattern of illness is changing from communicable and infectious disease to lifestyle related disease such as diabetes mellitus which is early signed by overweight. Incidence of overweight becomes higher related to sedentary life and it is common occurring to modern people. Monotonous activities make people have limited exercises which allowed their body is doing regular movement and effective for burning amount of calories. Body need media for balancing metabolism include transformation process from glucose to glycogen that used for making energy instead of saving the fat. Another factor contribute to obesity is unorganized dietary whereas not only about impairment in total intake, but also about minimalist variation on meals and wrong eating schedule. People tend to eat a lot of junk foods in huge portions and in frequent times even it is happening every day. Because of lacking of time, workers often make their breakfast and lunch become one meal’s time in the midday which is actually bringing to imbalanced body metabolism and tend to increase body mass index and the result is obesity.

Another irreversible factor is genetic of themselves which is people can get overweight directly from parents without environmental intervention. This factor could not be prevented and it is persistent, so that there are not so many effort made by expert to reveal the innovation regarding gene factor because it will not give significant effect for obesity prevention.

Some explanations above indicate obesity is multi-factorial symptom which leads to diabetes mellitus when it not prevented. Serious intervention should be made to tackle the increasing of overweight incidence. Although diabetic is non-curative disease, it still could be managed by arranging healthy lifestyle such as managing dietary and doing aerobic exercise regularly.

In conclusion, I believe that average weight of people is increasing and give bad impact to their health. So that, I argue that managed life style could be a solution to overcome this problem.

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Average: 7.3 (3 votes)
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which allowed their body is doing regular movement
Description: two verbs in one sentence.

Another factor contribute to obesity is unorganized dietary
Another factor which contributes to obesity is unorganized dietary

Some explanations above indicate obesity is multi-factorial symptom
Suggestion: Can you re-write this sentence?

Sentence: Body need media for balancing metabolism include transformation process from glucose to glycogen that used for making energy instead of saving the fat.
Description: The fragment metabolism include transformation is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace include with verb, present tense, 3rd person singular

Sentence: Another factor contribute to obesity is unorganized dietary whereas not only about impairment in total intake, but also about minimalist variation on meals and wrong eating schedule.
Description: The fragment factor contribute to is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace contribute with verb, past participle

Sentence: Another irreversible factor is genetic of themselves which is people can get overweight directly from parents without environmental intervention.
Description: The token is is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to is and people

flaws:
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.029 0.07
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2

Read a good grammar book.

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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 360 350
No. of Characters: 1915 1500
No. of Different Words: 213 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.356 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.319 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.784 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 161 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 123 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 76 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 51 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.5 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.575 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.562 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.305 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.552 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.029 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5