The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not to go into full time work did after leaving college in 2008

Essay topics:

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not to go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.

Given were the bar charts providing data regarding to the destination of UK graduate students after leaving college by 2008, in addition to comparing the figures for destination of UK postgraduate students after graduation in 2008.

According to the first chart, we saw clearly that 29,665 graduate students sought further study after college whereas only slight amount of pupils (3,500 students) did voluntary work. Meanwhile, 16,235 graduate students were still unemployed, which is almost the same amount as those who sought part-time work (17,735 pupils).

The second chart showed that only 345 postgraduate pupils worked as voluntary work but the motivation to get higher education was still higher which is proved with 2,725 postgraduate students choosing further study as their occupation. Lastly, 2,535 UK postgraduates tended to look for part-time work albeit 1,625 UK postgraduate pupils were still jobless.

Comparing the two charts, the percentage of students who looked for part-time work were only one-third of the total amount in the graduate pupils and almost one-half with the postgraduate students. At last, the overall trend showed that most of the students, graduates and postgraduates, enrolled further education whilst only a small number of students applied for voluntary work after leaving college.

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Average: 7.8 (8 votes)

Comments

Given were the bar charts providing data regarding to the destination of UK graduate students after leaving college by 2008, in addition to comparing the figures for destination of UK postgraduate students after graduation in 2008.
Description: can you re-write this sentence? regarding to 'in addition to'

flaws:
Don't bring math to IELTS task I:

'the percentage of students who looked for part-time work were only one-third of the total amount in the graduate pupils and almost one-half with the postgraduate students.'

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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 7 10
No. of Words: 201 200
No. of Characters: 1099 1000
No. of Different Words: 104 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.765 4.0
Average Word Length: 5.468 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.673 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 93 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 62 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 48 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 30 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.714 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.452 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.541 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.801 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.229 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4

Submitted by ielts.webster on Fri, 11/27/2015 - 00:13

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could you give me suggestion what proper sentence/word to correct 'in addition to'? because i try to imitate that word from http://testbig.com/users/dilbar and there is no mistake with using it in that user's essays and also the user always mostly use 'in addition to' in his/her essays.

Don't use words or phrases that you are not 100% sure how to use.

Look for this sentence:

Given were the bar charts providing data regarding to the destination of UK graduate students after leaving college by 2008, in addition to comparing the figures for destination of UK postgraduate students after graduation in 2008.

'comparing' can be parallel to 'providing', so you can use 'and' instead of 'in addition to':

Given were the bar charts providing data regarding to the destination of UK graduate students after leaving college by 2008, and comparing the figures for destination of UK postgraduate students after graduation in 2008.

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'in addition to' is equal to 'Besides', for example:

In addition to the tasks listed above, we ask that you complete the following tasks as time permits.

Besides the tasks listed above, we ask that you complete the following tasks as time permits.