The line graph shows thefts per thousand vehicles in four European countries between 1990 and 1999.

Submitted by priharsari on Tue, 08/11/2015 - 02:32

Given is a line chart that compares the number of car thefts in four different countries from 1990 to 1999. There are four lines representing countries: Great Britain, Sweden, France, and Canada. According to the chart, it is obvious that Great Britain was a country with the highest number of thefts in comparison with the other three countries throughout the period.

To begin with, on the premise of the given time period, the number of car thefts in the UK outnumbered the other three nations, at 18 to between 5 and 10 per a thousand. From that time on, the UK's figure was rather erratic and it hit its lowest number, 16 cars per a thousand in 1999, which placed Great Britain at the top position regarding the number of lost cars.

On the contrary, the number of car thefts in three other nations remained below 16 cars during the 9 year period. There was a striking similarity between France's figure and Canada's figure, with the number of stolen cars staying below 10 thefts, from 6 in 1990 to 6 and 7 in 2000 respectively. A little bit different from France and Canada, the number of stolen cars in Sweden increased dramatically, from 9 to 13 cars per a thousand. This, however, was not as high as the UK's trend.

Votes
Average: 7 (1 vote)
Essay Categories
IELTS Writing Task I - IELTS Academic

Sentence: To begin with, on the premise of the given time period, the number of car thefts in the UK outnumbered the other three nations, at 18 to between 5 and 10 per a thousand.
Description: The token to is not usually followed by a preposition
Suggestion: Refer to to and between

flaws:
Need to write better sentences. Look:

you:
A little bit different from France and Canada, the number of stolen cars in Sweden increased dramatically, from 9 to 13 cars per a thousand.

Miachel:
In contrast, Sweden experienced an upward trend, starting the period at just over 5, and finishing at just under 15.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 9 10
No. of Words: 220 200
No. of Characters: 976 1000
No. of Different Words: 103 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.851 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.436 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.393 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 71 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 39 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 25 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 15 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.444 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.958 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.444 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.483 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.641 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.176 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 4

Is it better?

Given is a line chart comparing the changing of car thefts in four countries from 1990 to 1999. According to the chart, it is clear that Great Britain was the nation with the highest number of stolen car throughout the period. Another fact that can be derived from the chart is that there were other three nations can be classified into one cluster, called nation with low level of auto thefts.

The UK trend was rather erratic, although it tended to decrease. This, however, was never below 15 cars during the period in question. In the beginning of the given period, Great Britain, in term of the stolen car, was twice as high as other countries, slightly below 20 in 1990. As the years went by, the trend fluctuated in between 17 and 20, with the number of stolen car ultimately reaching just a slightly above 15, in 1999.

On the other hand, the other three countries were steady in range 5 and 15 cars per a thousand. Regardless their slightly upward and downward trends, the France's figure and the Canada's figure remained below 10 cars. In contrast, the number of auto thefts in Sweden depicted a significant upward trend which increased from slightly below 10 in 1990 up to nearly 15 cars in a thousand.