Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Essay topics: Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

vjtca28's picture

Nowadays crime issue has become one of the main problems. As there is a rising fund in the investigation process and the punishment procedures, the authorities then should consider about actual causes and come up with some solutions. Although the reasons of crime might be countless, the possible causes are blame on drugs and alcohol, family problems and unemployment. All of these factors and practical measures will be discussed carefully.

Drugs and alcohol abuse is related to an increase of crime rate. People addicted to drugs and alcohol are more likely to commit crime in several ways such as drug trafficking, using violent force or committing petty crime. Another factor which is responsible for crime is family aspect as most juvenile crimes are often caused by unattended from parents. Many busy parents deliberately leave their children lonely and do not discipline them, causing children to have little knowledge about social rules. Some start offending laws in a young age because of the lack of understanding about laws or the bad environment such as living in slums. Moreover, with the highly competitive job market these days, it leads to an increasingly unemployed rate, resulting in commit crime such as mugging in order to earn for living.

The first solution is adjusting the regulations to be heavier. Having harsh sentences and heavy fines for penalties raise the awareness of citizens to be afraid of offending laws. However, solving other social problems is also important to deal with crime issue. Improving living conditions to inferior classes such as providing education and job opportunities need to be taken as well. If most citizens access to a higher education and become well educated, they will get a decent job, become self-reliant and stop committing crime for earning.

Even though the crime concern is a difficult topic to be completely solved. the government still has to overcome this difficulty. By providing education and having a strictly law system, the issue of crime will hopefully ease.

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the possible causes are blame on drugs and alcohol
the possible causes are blamed on drugs and alcohol

flaws:
You don't use some words or phrases properly in this essay or your other essays. For example,

As there is a rising fund in the investigation process and the punishment procedures,...

what doesn't it mean 'a rising fund'?

and for 'in the investigation process and the punishment procedures', do you mean 'in the crime investigation process and the punishment procedures'? or 'in the anti-crime investigation process and the punishment procedures'? or other processes? which is not clear.

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another example:
The first solution is adjusting the regulations to be heavier.

what do you mean 'to be heavier'?

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You need to read more English magazines, newspapers, blogs...and see how native English speakers are writing.

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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 329 350
No. of Characters: 1675 1500
No. of Different Words: 199 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.259 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.091 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.704 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 124 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 88 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 67 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.353 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.202 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.529 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.304 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.503 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.059 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5

Pages