The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
I do not agree with this statement for several reason. First, because we are social creature so we need to socialized, to meet other people and communicate. Nowadays, we can use information technologies, such as the internet with all the social media to communicate with other, there also e-learning system so we learn from distance, but with all the facilities we still need to meet directly maybe not as often as before. Communicate with social media sometimes can cause misperception or faking. E-learning demands the student to be discipline, self-regulation learner. For children and young people, they still regular meeting with their teacher to develop their character such as discipline, respect for other, honest, mental toughness, etc. Second, some people think by working at home they will have more flexible time, but the reality people have a burned job because with their idealism they try to be fair with family and work time.
It’s impossible, we must have priority. Some companies such as Yahoo now demand their employees have regular meeting at their office. Yahoo CEO have noticed that working at home was not effective. Third, I think that to stop people for traveling to reduce traffic jam was not the main issues. We cannot stop the need because it our basic need. So, the government have to build a better system so people do not have use their own transportation. Mass transportation such as train, buss, or airplane must be increased with good quality.
In Indonesia, with region system, parents will be encouraged to choose school nearby their home. Its important to young people to meet their teacher and socialize. But I agree, with online shop its help a lot to save time. But according to my personal experience, I still need to go to the mall to have the right size. And hang out with a friend or family at cozy place are fun and valuable. Fourth, shopping or working from home efficient but short effects are many people will lost their job such as office boy, security, waitress, shop keeper, driver, driver assistant, etc.
So I think their many way to solve the traffic jam. We can reducing the need but its not the main solution. Because meet other people are our basic need.
Comments
Hi, I have edited my writing.
Hi,
I have edited my writing. Need feedback from you.
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Full essay evaluations
Sentence: First, because we are social creature so we need to socialized, to meet other people and communicate.
Description: The token to is not usually followed by a verb, past participle
Suggestion: Refer to to and socialized
Communicate with social media sometimes can cause misperception or faking
Communicating with social media sometimes can cause misconception or faking
Communication with social media sometimes can cause misconception or faking
they still regular meeting with their teacher
they still regular meet with their teacher
Some companies such as Yahoo now demand their employees have regular meeting at their office.
Some companies such as Yahoo now demand their employees to have regular meeting at their office.
Yahoo CEO have noticed that
Yahoo CEOs have noticed that
because it our basic need
because it is our basic need
its help a lot to save time.
it helps a lot to save time.
but short effects are many people will lost their job
but short effects are that many people will lose their job
their many way to solve the traffic jam
there are many ways to solve the traffic jam
We can reducing the need but its not the main solution
We can reduce the need but it's not the main solution
Because meet other people are our basic need.
Because meeting other people is our basic need.
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 11 2
Read a good grammar book.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 11 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 377 350
No. of Characters: 1781 1500
No. of Different Words: 193 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.406 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.724 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.465 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 118 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 77 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 51 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 34 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.136 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.708 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.545 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.285 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.45 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.109 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Not in a correct format.
better to have 4-5 paragraphs:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1
para 3: reason 2
para 4: reason 3 (optional)
para 5: conclusion
or:
para 1: introduction
para 2: idea one.
para 3: however, idea two
para 4: in my opinion...
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Click the button 'Edit' and edit the content. Always add a blank line between paragraphs.