as a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television people do less physical activity and this is having a negative effect on their health to what extent do you agree or disagree

Essay topics:

as a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health.
to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Recently, by developing new devices such as television, computer and cellphone, people have become more motionless than before. Many believe that it is resulted into more sicknesses and diseases. This claim can be clarified from two aspects. First, one of the most important factor for our health is sporting. As the second aspect, the more increasing inventions of the technologies the more tend toward using them.

As researches have been illustrated, one of the most critical points in having a healthy body is exercising. Our body have been created in a way that its mechanism needs exercising and sporting during each day in order to work properly. Regardless of the mechanism, by the huge amount of fast food that have been consumed these days, we have to exercise to fasten our metabolism. If we do not care, we will face many problems in future. this is what we Unfortunately have seen in this era, our health problems have become more and more terrified because of not paying attention to our activities.

In the other hand, as the technology have been progressing, the new inventions have arisen everyday. The aim of these inventions is "facilitating life". Therefore people can communicate more easily, commute more comfortably and do the chores faster. This is obvious that people as a result, put less effort in their routine and not routine works. As mentioned, this term not only includes the working hours but also the leisure time. As an example, instead of going to a picnic or jogging, they stay home and watch movies. Or they prefer to communicate with each other via computers and social networks instead of spending time together in a restaurant or somewhere else. Therefore, this new incoming phenomenon leads to less and less activity and as a result gaining much weight.

In conclusion, in my point of view our problem in gaining weight can be originated from less physical activities which is the main disadvantages of new inventions like personal computers and televisions. If we can not find a solution today, our next generation will face too many problems in the health area. So, I think concentration in this context is needed today.

Votes
Average: 8.8 (5 votes)

Comments

one of the most important factor
one of the most important factors

the more increasing inventions of the technologies the more tend toward using them.
Description: 'the more...the more' is not used properly

Our body have been created in a way
Our body has been created in a way

In the other hand,
On the other hand,

as the technology have been progressing
as the technologies have been progressing

this term not only includes the working hours but also the leisure time.
this term includes not only the working hours but also the leisure time.

less physical activities which is the main disadvantages of new inventions
less physical activities which are the main disadvantages of new inventions

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 363 350
No. of Characters: 1755 1500
No. of Different Words: 204 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.365 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.835 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.694 2.4
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No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 89 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 69 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.15 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.518 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.55 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.28 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.469 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.109 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5