In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree w

Because of eating too much fast food, the number of people facing health problems is increasing in many countries. To prevent the situation getting even worse, a higher revenue is imposed to this type of food. I partially accord this measure due to the following reasons.

With imposing a higher tax on, fast food would cost more money than it before, which definitely have a negative effect in both the count of its consumers and the frequency of people buying it. Apparently, the health problems would get better through this government action. In addition, the extra revenue could be used to reform the medical care condition of the country which result in a further betterment to the given problem.

Nevertheless, whether it is necessary to execute the policy remains open to question. The policy is just like a sword having two blades, which brings some new problems when it kills one. For instance, businessmen, who are too busy to have their lunch for a long time, would be annoyed with the policy as a result of the higher food cost brought by the corresponding tax. Furthermore, changing revenue would affects many other parts related to the food industry, even affect the national economy.

To solve the problem, it would be better to change the material and recipes of fast food, making them lower heat, less salt and so on. As a conclusion, imposing a higher tax might be a nice way to improve the health problem, but I don't think it is necessary.

Votes
Average: 7.3 (4 votes)

fast food would cost more money than it before, which definitely have a negative effect in both the count of its consumers
Description: can you re-write this sentence?

to reform the medical care condition of the country which result in a further betterment to the given problem.
to reform the medical care condition of the country which results in a further betterment to the given problem.

changing revenue would affects many other parts
changing revenue would affect many other parts

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Words: 254 350

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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 12 15
No. of Words: 254 350
No. of Characters: 1174 1500
No. of Different Words: 152 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.992 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.622 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.441 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 89 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 58 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 32 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 19 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.167 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.956 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.583 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.347 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.58 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.057 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5