Some people believe that subjects such as Music, Arts, Drama and Creative Writing will contribute a great deal to children’s development; therefore they should take a large part of the school timetable. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This is a universally acknowledged fact that School plays a pivotal role in the learning and providing the base platform for student’s career. Therefore, choosing the correct subjects during school and college is essential. As result, many people hold the opinion that school should add subjects like music, arts, Drama and creative writing in their study curriculum. While, in my viewpoint adding these subjects would definitely provide a chance to learn additional skills; however, I still think that academic subjects should also be there in the timetable. Here, in the below essay I will try to...
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if a school authority start teaching these subjects
if a school authority starts teaching these subjects
if student studies academics subjects
if a student studies academics subjects
flaws:
Need to read topic carefully:
'therefore they should take a large part of the school timetable.', it doesn't mean academic subjects should be removed from timetable. while you wrote:
'however, I still think that academic subjects should also be there in the timetable.'
Need to show your ideas clearly and be straight forward, like:
'however, I still think that academic subjects are more important in the timetable.'
also in the conclusion, you:
'However, it is up to school authority how they want to design their school timetable, so that kids learn these skills along with studies.'
again, better to have your own ideas. Don't need to keep balance for both ideas. We like this pattern:
paragraph 1: introduction. Your clear ideas/opinions here: I support side B.
paragraph 2: Admittedly, there are some advantages of side A. First, ... Second, ...
paragraph 3: However, still I support side B. reason 1 + why reason 1 + example for reason 1 + a small conclusion for reason 1.
paragraph 4: reason 2 + why reason 2 + example for reason 2+ a small conclusion for reason 2.
paragraph 5: conclusion: I support side B.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 445 350
No. of Characters: 2245 1500
No. of Different Words: 227 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.593 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.045 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.452 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 168 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 126 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 88 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 39 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.421 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.054 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.684 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.335 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.488 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.109 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5