53. Compared with people who live in urban areas, those who live in rural areas can take better care of their families. Disagree. I have written both sides.

Essay topics:

53. Compared with people who live in urban areas, those who live in rural areas can take better care of their families. Disagree. I have written both sides.

All people need to get care and attention from each other, but the level of showing love, affection and protection would vary from one place to another. When it comes to attention to family members in both rural and urban areas, the controversy surrounds the issue of whether people who reside in raural areas allocate more devotion for their family members or those living in cities. Some people are of the opinion that since people in rural areas have stronger bonds among family members, so they can significantly devote thenmselves to each other in a family. I believe, however, the family members in cities gain more protection and freedom from each other for some reasons.

One of the most interesting aspects of the current discussion which demands a keen contemplation is that in city life, parents are more knowledgeable and well-informed. Parents work throughout a day to earn more and more income. They want to have children with bright future. Therefore, the sacrifice thmselves for their children's future by taking full-time jobs, or even they might do second jobs so that they can meet all their children's expectations. For example, since parents are aware of directly effects of some activities during childhood on a child's brain development, they enroll their children in extracurricular activities, demanding huge fees, such as making robots will enable the children to challeng their minds in making robots. This means developing their intellectual abilities. However, parents in rural area require their children to assist them in irrigating lnad land rather than be allowed to attend school. As you can see, parents in cities have involved themselves in their children's issue without paying attention to their own needs.

Another noteworthy aspect of the ongoing discussion which needs to be reflected is that parents in city areas provide their children with freedom through the period of adolescence. After developing children's talent and intelligence in childhood, parents let them choose their own ways. For example, they do not expect their children to follow their footprints while they want to choose their future careers. In fact, parents do not get involved in their children's personal issue which brings the sense of responsibilities for children. This means indirectly care of the parents for their offspring. In contrast, parents in rural areas force children to pursue their careers no matter whether the children are interested in or not because it is custom, and there is no choice for the children.

To sum up, not only have people, living in metropolis, allocated all their lives for their children's success in their childhood, but also by offering freedom to their children, they play important roles in bringing up such independent offspring.

Votes
Average: 8 (1 vote)
Essay Categories

Comments

because it is custom
because it is a custom

Sentence: When it comes to attention to family members in both rural and urban areas, the controversy surrounds the issue of whether people who reside in raural areas allocate more devotion for their family members or those living in cities.
Error: raural Suggestion: rural

Sentence: Some people are of the opinion that since people in rural areas have stronger bonds among family members, so they can significantly devote thenmselves to each other in a family.
Error: thenmselves Suggestion: themselves

Sentence: Therefore, the sacrifice thmselves for their children's future by taking full-time jobs, or even they might do second jobs so that they can meet all their children's expectations.
Error: thmselves Suggestion: themselves

Sentence: For example, since parents are aware of directly effects of some activities during childhood on a child's brain development, they enroll their children in extracurricular activities, demanding huge fees, such as making robots will enable the children to challeng their minds in making robots.
Error: challeng Suggestion: No alternate word

Sentence: However, parents in rural area require their children to assist them in irrigating lnad land rather than be allowed to attend school.
Error: lnad Suggestion: land

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 447 350
No. of Characters: 2295 1500
No. of Different Words: 223 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.598 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.134 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.669 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 171 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 122 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 78 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 56 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.526 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.57 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.526 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.34 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.504 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.135 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5

Yes, you have issues on the organization of the content. Try this pattern:

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Para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree.

Para 2: First,reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 2 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).

Para 3: Second,reason 2 ,blabla... do the same thing like First

Para 4: Third, reason 3 blabla... do the same thing like First but shorter

Para 5: Conclusion.
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for example:

Para 2: First,reason 1 (1 sentence: Eating at home can save money) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences: I can prepare cheaper food from food market; I don't need to drive or take a bus to reach the restaurant; I don't need to pay tips...) + examples for reason 1 (around 2 sentences: for example, a sandwich can cost me $10 at restaurant, but it only cost me $5 at home.) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences: with the money I saved, I can buy a good book to read; I can use the money for a trip...).