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69.The rules that the whole societies today expect to young people to follow and obey are too strict

Essay topics: 69.The rules that the whole societies today expect to young people to follow and obey are too strict

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Without regulation, controles and discipline, we cannot survive on the Earth since chaos will cover all the world. Therefore, all individuals are required to follow laws approved by authorities to have a peaceful life. When it comes to obeying rules, controversy surrounds the issue of whether today, the youth are expected to follow more rigid rules in comparison with those in the past or not. Some people are of the opinion that conditions of today's lives have made human beings obey rules; otherwise, they will be punished. I believe, however, rules have been less strict for the young people due to the following reasons.

One of the most interesting aspects of the current discussion which demands a keen contemplation is that the customs, traditions and all old-fashioned rules have been disappears. Nowadays, young adults can choose their own ways. They do not have to get permission from their parents while choosing their jobs, the place in which they are going to settle. In fact, parent's expectations have diminished. Parents are aware of this fact that they cannot restrict to the place where they stay because of the freedom that today's children have gained. However, in the past, boys in the age of 20s were forced to get married with the girls that older adults had chosen for them. In other words, they were not allowed to give opinions about their future wife. As you can see, by breaking and eliminating traditions, children have more freedom. this means less rules to follow.

Another noteworthy aspect of the current discussion which needs to be reflected is that young children are able to recognize good from bad issue. We are in the generation of highly informed and knowledgeable parents. They have studied a lot, got involved in society. In fact, it is an undeniable fact that they have acquired essential lessons about the way of bringing their offspring up in an appropriate way through being familiar with social issues. Therefore, they apply the best effective approaches while offering some pieces of advice to their beloved children. For instance, Consulting with psychologists would be their preference which enables them to learn that forcing the youth to follow the rules will not work. In contrast, they want their children to gain such understanding to choose the best ways. For these reasons, in order to get better results, all government authorities try not to restrict children to some tough rules.

To sum up, not only breaking traditional rules but also being able to distinguish goodness from bad things are the results of having such wise and intelligent children who do not need to be guided by rules. This aim will not be achived unless they live in a society with less tough rules and regulations.

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Comments

the youth are expected
the youths are expected

all old-fashioned rules have been disappears
all old-fashioned rules have disappeared

Sentence: Without regulation, controles and discipline, we cannot survive on the Earth since chaos will cover all the world.
Error: controles Suggestion: controls

Sentence: This aim will not be achived unless they live in a society with less tough rules and regulations.
Error: achived Suggestion: achieved

flaws:
The essay is not exactly right on the topic in the second paragraph. It is not for 'children' but for 'young people'. A man who is 30 years old still could be a young people.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? in 30
Category: ? Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 459 350
No. of Characters: 2237 1500
No. of Different Words: 240 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.629 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.874 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.551 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 142 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 112 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 75 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.957 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.607 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.478 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.275 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.43 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.086 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5

Dear teacher,
Is not the youth plural? I have checked in dictionary.

How about if I turn young children to young people who have grown up in the way by their parents that I illustrate? What I mean is that I write: since children were brought up by their knowledgeable parents in an appropriate way, they need no strict rules( they know how to behave, how to distinguish legal from illegal issues)and then support my idea.

thanks in advance,

It will be OK to change to 'young people'.

The thing is that you can edit the essay now. How can you do the same thing in the real TOEFL test. You need to be careful. Writing the essay out of topic would result in a very low mark.

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