OPIC # 39 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? With the help of technology, students nowadays can learn more information and learn it more quickly.
Technology has a pivotal role in our life. It has impacted our planet significantly and it invades a lot of fields such education, work, home and even transportation. It has improved the education style in the schools and universities. Even though some people believe that technology does not help students nowadays, personally, I think with technology, students nowadays can learn more information and quickly for two imperative reasons.
To begin with, with the invention of the internet, students are able to expand their knowledge. In order to get a good piece of information, a student now can access to millions of websites to find a good piece of information. Take myself as an example, when I was in pharmacy school, our professor asked us to do research about carcinogenics medicines. In fact, he requested a lot of things in the report such as indication of drugs, precaution, side effects, and even drug food interaction. At the first, I was disappointed because I couldn't collect all these information from the library within limit time, so my instructor suggested to me some educational websites that provided me a lot of information. In fact, I worked very hard and I introduced my report with a bunch of information, as a result I got a good grade in clinical pharmacy and my teacher praised me in the class. This experience taught me that technology, especially the internet, endorses students positively.
Second, technology helps professor to introduce the subjects to the students easily so they can understand the materials in an easy way. An advent of computers and the microscpoes, persuaded teachers to explain materials clearly. For instance, three weeks ago, my sister was confused about the biology class because she did not understand one of slide in the microscope. Actually, she told me that the devices were old and they didn't update them so many students were frustrated about that so they decided to talk with the university mangament, and they brought good devices and microscopes. The students were very happy, and my sister was so excited because she stated that the new microscope supports her study and allows her to see the slide in a good mannar. She explained to me that the image is clear and sharp. As we can clearly see, without the new microscopes, my sister struggled a lot to understand the class.
By the way of conclusion, based on the arguments explored above, I firmly concur that technology has developed the education for students. we apprieciate the technology since our planet thrives because of that and it has a lot of advantages.
a lot of fields such education, work,
a lot of fields such as education, work,
Sentence: An advent of computers and the microscpoes, persuaded teachers to explain materials clearly.
Error: microscpoes Suggestion: microscopes
Sentence: Actually, she told me that the devices were old and they didn't update them so many students were frustrated about that so they decided to talk with the university mangament, and they brought good devices and microscopes.
Error: mangament Suggestion: management
Sentence: The students were very happy, and my sister was so excited because she stated that the new microscope supports her study and allows her to see the slide in a good mannar.
Error: mannar Suggestion: manner
Sentence: By the way of conclusion, based on the arguments explored above, I firmly concur that technology has developed the education for students. we apprieciate the technology since our planet thrives because of that and it has a lot of advantages.
Error: apprieciate Suggestion: appreciate
flaws:
Your big problem is the content for examples. The examples are OK but you need to polish those sentences.
Can you re-write those sentences without 'I' as subject? (or less of 'I'):
I was disappointed because I couldn't collect all these information from the library within limit time, so my instructor suggested to me some educational websites that provided me a lot of information. In fact, I worked very hard and I introduced my report with a bunch of information, as a result I got a good grade in clinical pharmacy and my teacher praised me in the class.
Can you re-write those sentences without pronouns as subject? (or less of them)
my sister was confused about the biology class because she did not understand one of slide in the microscope. Actually, she told me that the devices were old and they didn't update them so many students were frustrated about that so they decided to talk with the university mangament, and they brought good devices and microscopes. The students were very happy, and my sister was so excited because she stated that the new microscope supports her study and allows her to see the slide in a good mannar. She explained to me that the image is clear and sharp
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 22 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 4 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 435 350
No. of Characters: 2100 1500
No. of Different Words: 226 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.567 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.828 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.864 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 149 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 120 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 92 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 62 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.895 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.657 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.526 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.31 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.489 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.162 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5