TPO-40 - Independent Writing Task Some parent offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school Do you think this is a good idea?Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Children have many desires while they are involved in their assignments and tasks that required them by their teacher. They like to play, have many hobbies and also receive their parent's attention by their performance. While a host of people prefer not to encourage their children by prizes like money, others consider this way as an effective one. As far as i am concerned, the latter idea is more influential on them by dint of the reasons that are mentioned in the following paragraphs.

First, paying money is the best incentive prize for children to achieve their tiny wishes as buying a favorable toy or food. When children are studying their lessons, they are mostly distracted by toys or some foods as chocolates or sandwiches that they have seen in the street. If they become aware of the fact that as they try harder and achieve higher scores then they are rewarded by some money, the put much more effort to do their best to be better and better as they pass exams. When this idea is hardwired in their mind, they try to maintain this way as long as they can to have that prize a permanent opportunity to attain their desires and needs. let's take me as an example of this idea. When i was in school there were many clubs that you could there and play computer games. this was one of my dreams to have on of those devices which i could play with them all the time. Thus, i always had been trying to do my best to get these prizes and accumulate them to reach that device's cost. It took a long time but it helped me to maintain my scores high.
Moreover, this notion will help children to exercise a condition of work for money. It definitely helps them to be prepared for a near future. They can learn how to work well and govern a continuous persistence to gain and grasp essential positions and opportunities with higher income as they encounter them. As you finish your studies, you surely search for work opportunities. because these days finding a suitable job is very difficult, it requires more concern from individuals to keep their jobs in a high quality and progress in a prosperous way. Consequently, if children try to experience these situations for a long period, they surely have more chances to overcome a variety of circumstances to improve their conditions in a given position as they grow older.

All in all, in the light of the aforementioned reasons, children can be benefited in many ways which may lead to a success in their future as well as granting some of their desires while they are young by paying them money as a prize. this approach at least has worked for me and i hope it would be effective for others as well.

Votes
Average: 9.1 (3 votes)
Essay Categories

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 366, Rule ID: I_LOWERCASE[2]
Message: Did you mean 'I'?
Suggestion: I
...this way as an effective one. As far as i am concerned, the latter idea is more i...
^
Line 3, column 658, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Let&apos
...nity to attain their desires and needs. let's take me as an example of this idea. W...
^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 710, Rule ID: I_LOWERCASE[2]
Message: Did you mean 'I'?
Suggestion: I
...ake me as an example of this idea. When i was in school there were many clubs tha...
^
Line 3, column 794, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: This
...ou could there and play computer games. this was one of my dreams to have on of thos...
^^^^
Line 3, column 854, Rule ID: I_LOWERCASE[2]
Message: Did you mean 'I'?
Suggestion: I
...reams to have on of those devices which i could play with them all the time. Thus...
^
Line 3, column 899, Rule ID: ADVERB_WORD_ORDER[7]
Message: The adverb 'always' is usually put between 'had' and 'been'.
Suggestion: had always been
...ld play with them all the time. Thus, i always had been trying to do my best to get these prize...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 380, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Because
...u surely search for work opportunities. because these days finding a suitable job is ve...
^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 533, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a prosperous way" with adverb for "prosperous"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...eir jobs in a high quality and progress in a prosperous way. Consequently, if children try to exper...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 6, column 236, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: This
... young by paying them money as a prize. this approach at least has worked for me and...
^^^^
Line 6, column 281, Rule ID: I_LOWERCASE[2]
Message: Did you mean 'I'?
Suggestion: I
...approach at least has worked for me and i hope it would be effective for others a...
^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, consequently, first, if, may, moreover, so, then, thus, well, while, at least, as well as

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 15.1003584229 119% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 9.8082437276 82% => OK
Conjunction : 16.0 13.8261648746 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 11.0286738351 109% => OK
Pronoun: 74.0 43.0788530466 172% => OK
Preposition: 60.0 52.1666666667 115% => OK
Nominalization: 6.0 8.0752688172 74% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2200.0 1977.66487455 111% => OK
No of words: 480.0 407.700716846 118% => OK
Chars per words: 4.58333333333 4.8611393121 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.68069463864 4.48103885553 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.57880988378 2.67179642975 97% => OK
Unique words: 241.0 212.727598566 113% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.502083333333 0.524837075471 96% => OK
syllable_count: 686.7 618.680645161 111% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.51630824373 92% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 13.0 9.59856630824 135% => OK
Interrogative: 3.0 0.994623655914 302% => OK
Article: 2.0 3.08781362007 65% => OK
Subordination: 9.0 3.51792114695 256% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.86738351254 0% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.94265232975 20% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 20.6003584229 102% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 20.1344086022 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 52.0139960233 48.9658058833 106% => OK
Chars per sentence: 104.761904762 100.406767564 104% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.8571428571 20.6045352989 111% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.7619047619 5.45110844103 87% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 10.0 5.5376344086 181% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 17.0 11.8709677419 143% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 3.85842293907 26% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.88709677419 61% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.255678953508 0.236089414692 108% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0802075485118 0.076458572812 105% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0347677493526 0.0737576698707 47% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.158011959755 0.150856017488 105% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0338089108256 0.0645574589148 52% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.6 11.7677419355 99% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 66.07 58.1214874552 114% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 10.1575268817 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.58 10.9000537634 88% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.92 8.01818996416 99% => OK
difficult_words: 97.0 86.8835125448 112% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 10.002688172 90% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 10.0537634409 107% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 10.247311828 98% => OK

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Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.