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TOEFL writing evaluating factors

Hi,
I have submitted a lot of different essay with different word numbers and grammatical errors. But I cannot understand how can improve my score even when my number of words is about 450.
I compared my e-rated writing with others but I could not know the exact difference.
PLEASE answer me, because I need 27 in writing.

For example this is my score
Flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 23 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 434 350
No. of Characters: 2103 1500
No. of Different Words: 239 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.564 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.846 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.694 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 147 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 106 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 74 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.083 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.278 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.625 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.262 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.465 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.067 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5

And this is the score of another member

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 28 in 30
Category: Excellent Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 336 350
No. of Characters: 1588 1500
No. of Different Words: 201 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.281 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.726 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.48 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 125 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 82 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 55 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 28 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.863 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.786 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.34 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.598 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.07 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5

My question is that she wrote less words but her score is more than me.

My second question is about coherence.
If we get higher value is better or lower?
For example if standard is 0.07, 0.2 is OK or 0.05?

Comments

Look, the first value is users' value while the second value is the ideal value. So we are expecting the first value is very close to the second value. Not too high or too low.

In your values:
No. of Words: 434 350
No. of Different Words: 239 200

when your values are over the ideal value, then we will see the ratio of the values: 239/434= 55%, it means 55% of the content is not duplicated.

look at another user you referred:
No. of Words: 336 350
No. of Different Words: 201 200

the ratio is: 201/336= 59.8% which is much better than your ratio:55%

even it is better than the ideal ratio: 200/350=57.1%

We have remind you in several essays that you need to write less content, but with more different words, and we have asked you to follow this user with less examples:
http://www.testbig.com/users/ftn

maybe you didn't pay attention to our suggestions.

-----------------------------

regarding the coherence. this is yours:
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.262 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.465 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.067 0.07

compared to this user:
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.34 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.598 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.07 0.07

Look, this user's values are more close to the ideal values: 0.35, 0.50, 0.07, while you have issues on:
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.262 0.35 //it means sentences are not so related to whole essays.
-----------------------

To get less duplicated content and more coherence, you will need to put small examples and not to use pronouns like 'I' as subject. Also need to put more arguments and more complex or compound sentences. Check and read articles online about advanced essay writing.

also check this user:
http://www.testbig.com/users/bigzee

his essay writing is much less than you initially, but finally he got 27 and his sentence styles are like you.

Let us know if you have more questions.

The pattern we suggested for 27:

Para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree. (suppose we support side A)

Para 2: First, reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 1 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).

Para 3: Second, reason 2, blabla... do the same thing as First

Para 4: Admittedly, there are some advantages of side B. first,....second...However, there is no causation/relation... Still I support side A, ...first,....second...

Para 5: Conclusion.
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Look at the paragraph 4, it is different to your styles. You wrote paragraph 4 like paragraph 3 and paragraph 2. This pattern will give more comparisons and arguments.

Could you please write an example with paragraph 4 about the following topic?

Parents should no allow children to use smart phones. Do you agree or disagree?

This is a sample and you can polish it:

Admittedly, it may be true that smart phones are important tools for children to contact their parents when taking children’s security into account. For instance, if children got lost in a strange place or being kidnapped by bad guys, children can call the police and parents for help. Nevertheless, this worry can be eliminated by educating children to protect themselves and being independent. Moreover, bringing smart phones with them cannot ensure they will not encounter any urgent situations.

We have reviewed all of your essays and found out that you still have some grammatical issues which have affected the marks greatly. To get 27, you will have to solve this issue. You may

1. Read a good grammar book.

2. Review the sentence grammatically once you finished writing a sentence.

3. Put less content and leave 3-5 minutes double check grammar & spellings.

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This user:
http://www.testbig.com/users/bigzee

has grammar issues too at the beginning but gradually he can check and remove errors by himself.

Let us know if you have more questions.