You are hereA person you know is planning to move your town and city .What do you think this person would like or dislike about living in your town or city ? Why ? Outline : This person is my brother. The City is Istanbul He likes cosmopolita

A person you know is planning to move your town and city .What do you think this person would like or dislike about living in your town or city ? Why ? Outline : This person is my brother. The City is Istanbul He likes cosmopolita


nazlimu's picture

By nazlimu - Posted on 18 April 2013

Essay topic: 

A person you know is planning to move your town and city .What do you think this person would like or dislike about living in your town or city ? Why ?

Outline : This person is my brother.
The City is Istanbul
He likes cosmopolitan cities and social life,sea (fishing)
He dislike narrow streets and waiting for order
He is young and energic and he likes advanture,ordinary things are not enough to make him happy .

In these days , my brother planning to move up to Istanbul which is the city that I have been living for 4 years. I am sure that my brother will like this city so much because of the scene of the city .It's natural sightseeings and cosmopolitan qualities should effect him positively. On the other hand , due to huge number of the people who are living in this city,sometimes people waste much of their times to reach one point to another or waiting a long queue. My brother was always impatient. So some of these features will possibly disturb him a little bit.

Last year,in a competition, Istanbul was selected into the first three city that have a spectacular natural scene and this competition held in Turkey. Istanbul has a unique bosphorus. The middle of the city is assumed as a bridge for two continent i.e Asia and Europe. There are two high bridge between two side of the bosphorus. Also both side is completely covered with a green color due to flora. There are some historical buildings around the coast. Taking a tour with a ship is so enjoyable because of the natural beauty of the city. When I start to think about my brother's passion on nature ,I remember that when he were a child ,every morning he had gone to shore and watched the rising sun. Then he had taken a boat and gone to catch some fishes. Because there are many similarities ,my brother have no reason to dislike this city for it's nature.I want to pick him up to Eminonu for fishing.

Actually , The bosphorus part of our travel will absolutely be great. But in the evening I have to bring him to my home to have a rest and I think I have a problem which is a bit hairy. I have been living in an alley whose all streets are narrow. Daytime is devoid of sunlight and it generally in front of the home is noisy due to car horns. Most probably he would not sleep here as well as his hometown. Moreover, riding bicycle popularity is less than Baku according to the crowd roads and narrow streets. So he have to take a bus for a traveling around the city. Although he has strong legs to stand up during all travel;he does not have enough patience to wait a long queue. Once, he spent all his winter break at home as a result of got bored from the long flight queue,as I remember he directly went back to home and slept.

In Conclusion,my brother really like to live in natural places.As a young and energic person ,my brother likes advanture,ordinary things are not enough to make him happy.I know that he need a bustling city.Therefore, Istanbul is fit to his expectations as being a natural,beautiful,cosmopolitan city. If he decide to hire a home in an allow that has wide streets and near the seaside ,he will definitely be glad to live in this Istanbul.

Average: 8 (2 votes)
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essayE-rater's picture

Sentence: It's natural sightseeings and cosmopolitan qualities should effect him positively.
Description: A pronoun, personal, nominative, 3rd person singular is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to It's and natural

Sentence: If he decide to hire a home in an allow that has wide streets and near the seaside, he will definitely be glad to live in this Istanbul.
Description: The fragment he decide to is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace decide with verb, past tense

Sentence: As a young and energic person, my brother likes advanture, ordinary things are not enough to make him happy.
Error: advanture Suggestion: adventure
Error: energic Suggestion: No alternate word

flaws:
No. of Words: 515 350

Don't put a space before punctuation marks.
Put a space after punctuation marks. E-rater is sensitive.

Always capitalize the first letter of a sentence.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 25 in 30
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 31 15
No. of Words: 515 350
No. of Characters: 2175 1500
No. of Different Words: 264 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.764 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.223 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.331 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 130 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 87 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 52 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 31 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.613 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.807 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.516 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.261 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.397 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.144 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5