Would you rather your school spend money on social events and facilities or on improving cafeteria menus? Use specific examples to support your answer.
Some people believe that school should spend money on social events and facilities to improve participation of children in extracurricular activities.However, Personally, I am a kind of person believe on improving cafeteria menu to improve the nutritional status of the children for the betterment of health leading to best impact on better study results.
To start with, spend money on cafeteria means better nutritional status of the student of the school.In most of the developing countries like Nepal, there we can found lots of nutritional deficiency diseases like Marasmus, Quasi-worker and anaemia.For example my neice is suffering from anemia it has taking his most of the time in visiting hospital for doctor's advice and treatment.Even though having very good intelligency , because of his bad health he is in back in his study.
In addition,improved cafeteria help to improve the overall score of the children by promoting good health.Some people may think differently if they have good availability of good nutrition for their living.But ,for the most of the developing countries of asia has this type of nutrition deficiency problems.So to promote health they need better nutrition from school and from home as well. There is one quote,"Health is wealth".Healthy body and healthy mind can do their best in their life in the study related matter.Good health is their property and wealth.
Finally, alongside of the better nutritional status and good health and good score, good cafeteria menu develop better personality. I think that good nutrition can make the personality of the student well.Because of having good ingredient of food student grow better and get develop excellent brain for the learning.For example, my elder sister get good personality because of having access of proper nutrition and has developed good personality including physically healthy and sound in her study and on the other hand, my younger sister did not get enough food because of devastating drought season and lacking nutirtion for the family in two consequitive year and this lead to poor personality of her.
To sum up, considering these point better nutrition, good health lead good score, and better personality lead me personally believe that cafeteria menu is the better option for the student rather than spending money on social events and fascilities to the school.
Sentence: spend money on cafeteria means better nutritional status of the student of the school.
Suggestion: spending money on cafeteria means better nutritional status of the student of the school.
Sentence: In most of the developing countries like Nepal, there we can found lots of nutritional deficiency diseases like Marasmus, Quasi-worker and anaemia.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, past participle
Suggestion: Refer to can and found
Sentence: In addition, improved cafeteria help to improve the overall score of the children by promoting good health.
Description: The fragment cafeteria help to is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace help with verb, past tense
Sentence: Finally, alongside of the better nutritional status and good health and good score, good cafeteria menu develop better personality.
Description: The fragment menu develop better is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace develop with verb, past tense
Sentence: Because of having good ingredient of food student grow better and get develop excellent brain for the learning.
Description: The fragment student grow better is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace grow with verb, past tense
Sentence: To sum up, considering these point better nutrition, good health lead good score, and better personality lead me personally believe that cafeteria menu is the better option for the student rather than spending money on social events and fascilities to the school.
Description: The fragment personality lead me is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace lead with verb, past tense
Sentence: For example my neice is suffering from anemia it has taking his most of the time in visiting hospital for doctor's advice and treatment.
Error: neice Suggestion: ?
Sentence: Even though having very good intelligency, because of his bad health he is in back in his study.
Error: intelligency Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: For example, my elder sister get good personality because of having access of proper nutrition and has developed good personality including physically healthy and sound in her study and on the other hand, my younger sister did not get enough food because of devastating drought season and lacking nutirtion for the family in two consequitive year and this lead to poor personality of her.
Error: nutirtion Suggestion: nutrition
Error: consequitive Suggestion: consecutive
Sentence: To sum up, considering these point better nutrition, good health lead good score, and better personality lead me personally believe that cafeteria menu is the better option for the student rather than spending money on social events and fascilities to the school.
Error: fascilities Suggestion: facilities
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
Always put a space after punctuation marks. E-rater is sensitive.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 20 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 333 350
No. of Characters: 1657 1500
No. of Different Words: 170 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.272 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.976 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.595 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 124 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 81 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 56 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 44 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.812 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.469 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.625 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.365 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.536 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.148 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5