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The following appeared in a health magazine published in Corpora.“Medical experts say that only one-quarter of Corpora’s citizens meet the current standards for adequate physical fitness, even though twenty years ago, one-half of all of Corpora’s ci

Essay topics: The following appeared in a health magazine published in Corpora.

“Medical experts say that only one-quarter of Corpora’s citizens meet the current standards for adequate physical fitness, even though twenty years ago, one-half of all of Corpora’s citizens met the standards as then defined. But these experts are mistaken when they suggest that spending too much time using computers has caused a decline in fitness. Since overall fitness levels are highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also highest, it is clear that using computers has not made citizens less physically fit. Instead, as shown by this year’s unusually low expenditures on fitnessrelated products and services, the recent decline in the economy is most likely the cause, and fitness levels will improve when the economy does.”

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

susa's picture

The author of this health magazine article states that there was a decremnt of the physical fitness evels in Corpora during the last twenty years and that what has been said by experts about the relation of physical fitness level and the usage of the computers in Corpora is mistaken and that the bad economic status of the Corpora is the reason behind the decrement in fitness levels, well, this argument is flawed due to many reasons including the validity of the survey, no strong bases for the relation between computer usage and well body shape and that the direct relationship of economy with the reduced money spent on sport devices is unclear and might be because of the reduced production of certain sport devices imported by Corpora traders or any other cause.

There is no evidence to support the data mentioned by the experts regarding the decrement of the percentage of people who met the fitness standards in Corpora during the last two decades, besides the number of Corpora population might have increased during this period and that had led this percentage decrease, so the number of the population wasn’t mentioned clearly and that gives vague and false assumption.

The author also mentioned that the experts were mistaken in regards to the decreased levels of pyhisical fitness in people who uses the computer more, and there were high fitness indices in areas of Corpora that have large amounts of computers regarding other areas, this statement is not clear since there was no accurate suevey to support it and also, there might be a coincidence of equality between the number of people who use the computers and the number of people who are in a good physical manners but without any relation to the computer use, so it was ambiguous suggestion from the author.

There was a decrease in the expenditures of fitness related apparatuses and services as presented by the author while he was trying to connect these low expenses with the deterioration of Economy and when financial status will improve, there will be a marked improvement. This assumption is faulty since there might be more than one reason for the low expenditures, for instance, the market where these fitness related devices were coming from, might have had closed or the manager of such companies have decided not to export merchandise to Corpora due to business related issue or due to personal problems. The services of these physical fitness services might have undergone special problems regarding their job. Thus, this mentioned proposition if wrong and not reliable.

As a conclusion, the author presented many assumptions in regards to Corpora’s declinment in physical fitness due to the mentioned reasons might hold another explanation and the author didn’t present accurate reasons regarding the population number during the past twenty years, and no valid surveys made to prove the relation between computer usage and fitness, also, it wasn’t clear whether economy really contributed in reduced expenses of fitness related devices and services dut to no obvious causes were mentioned regarding the reason for this decrement, so the assumption of the author is not valid neither held any strong bases of accuracy.

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Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 58, Rule ID: IN_REGARD_TO[1]
Message: Use simply 'regarding' or 'with regard to'.
Suggestion: regarding; with regard to
...entioned that the experts were mistaken in regards to the decreased levels of pyhisical fitne...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 499, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'manner'?
Suggestion: manner
...er of people who are in a good physical manners but without any relation to the compute...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 398, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this fitness' or 'these fitnesses'?
Suggestion: this fitness; these fitnesses
...ditures, for instance, the market where these fitness related devices were coming from, might...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 56, Rule ID: IN_REGARD_TO[1]
Message: Use simply 'regarding' or 'with regard to'.
Suggestion: regarding; with regard to
..., the author presented many assumptions in regards to Corpora's declinment in physical f...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, besides, but, if, really, regarding, so, thus, well, while, for instance

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.6327345309 117% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.9520958084 69% => OK
Conjunction : 23.0 11.1786427146 206% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 24.0 28.8173652695 83% => OK
Preposition: 80.0 55.5748502994 144% => OK
Nominalization: 25.0 16.3942115768 152% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2717.0 2260.96107784 120% => OK
No of words: 529.0 441.139720559 120% => OK
Chars per words: 5.13610586011 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.79583152331 4.56307096286 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.61466263684 2.78398813304 94% => OK
Unique words: 226.0 204.123752495 111% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.427221172023 0.468620217663 91% => OK
syllable_count: 869.4 705.55239521 123% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Interrogative: 0.0 0.471057884232 0% => OK
Article: 5.0 8.76447105788 57% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 8.0 19.7664670659 40% => Need more sentences, or put a space between two sentences.
Sentence length: 66.0 22.8473053892 289% => Sentence length is too long
Sentence length SD: 242.211168198 57.8364921388 419% => The lengths of sentences changed so frequently.
Chars per sentence: 339.625 119.503703932 284% => Less chars_per_sentence wanted.
Words per sentence: 66.125 23.324526521 283% => Less words per sentence wanted.
Discourse Markers: 9.75 5.70786347227 171% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.67664670659 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.153846011373 0.218282227539 70% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0674192629087 0.0743258471296 91% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0589414084129 0.0701772020484 84% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0999929466331 0.128457276422 78% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0479742112095 0.0628817314937 76% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 35.8 14.3799401198 249% => Automated_readability_index is high.
flesch_reading_ease: 4.49 48.3550499002 9% => Flesch_reading_ease is low.
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 29.0 12.197005988 238% => Flesch kincaid grade is high.
coleman_liau_index: 13.42 12.5979740519 107% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 10.22 8.32208582834 123% => OK
difficult_words: 111.0 98.500998004 113% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 54.0 12.3882235529 436% => Linsear_write_formula is high.
gunning_fog: 28.4 11.1389221557 255% => Gunning_fog is high.
text_standard: 29.0 11.9071856287 244% => The average readability is very high. Good job!
What are above readability scores?

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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6 -- The score is based on the average performance of 20,000 argument essays. This e-grader is not smart enough to check on arguments.
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.

Need some periods, not just comma. The e-grader will consider this paragraph as one sentence because there are no periods:

The author of this health magazine article states that there was a decremnt of the physical fitness evels in Corpora during the last twenty years and that what has been said by experts about the relation of physical fitness level and the usage of the computers in Corpora is mistaken and that the bad economic status of the Corpora is the reason behind the decrement in fitness levels, well, this argument is flawed due to many reasons including the validity of the survey, no strong bases for the relation between computer usage and well body shape and that the direct relationship of economy with the reduced money spent on sport devices is unclear and might be because of the reduced production of certain sport devices imported by Corpora traders or any other cause.