An international development organization, in response to a vitamin A deficiency among people in the impoverished nation of Tagus, has engineered a new breed of millet high in vitamin A. While seeds for this new type of millet cost more, farmers will be p

Essay topics:

An international development organization, in response to a vitamin A deficiency among people in the impoverished nation of Tagus, has engineered a new breed of millet high in vitamin A. While seeds for this new type of millet cost more, farmers will be paid subsidies for farming the new variety of millet. Since millet is already a staple food in Tagus, people will readily adopt the new variety. To combat vitamin A deficiency, the government of Tagus should do everything it can to promote this new type of millet.

In the passage,according to an international development organization there is a deficiency of vitamin A in people and to combat this deficiency,it has invented a new genetically engineered variety of millet.Subsidies would be provided to the farmers for cultivating this variety.Millet being the staple food in Tagus people will readily adopt this variety and there may be a reduction in vitamin A deficiency.however there are many loopholes in this proposed theory.

The organization before engineering a new breed of millet should first carry out a survey on a large scale to determine how many people are suffering from vitamin A deficiency.The passage doesn't provide any information regarding this.

Also it is clearly mentioned that Tagus is an impoverished nation therefore without proper estimation of the severity of the deficiency it wouldn't be economical to invest so much money into engineering a new variety.

The seeds of millet sold to farmers also cost more,even though subsidies are paid they are paid from the government funds itself.This will furthur increase the cost of production.

As the cost of production increases so will the price of millet sold to people.Millet being the staple food should cost a minimal amount so that it is available to all.High costs would furthur infuriate the people.this may also cause a great loss to the government and the organization.

To combat vitamin A deficiency the government should basically approach for simpler techniques which can be implemented on a large scale with less cost.Also they should try and analyze the basic cause for this deficiency and should directly attack the cause.

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Average: 3 (1 vote)
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Sentence: The seeds of millet sold to farmers also cost more,even though subsidies are paid they are paid from the government funds itself.This will furthur increase the cost of production.
Error: furthur Suggestion: further

Sentence: As the cost of production increases so will the price of millet sold to people.Millet being the staple food should cost a minimal amount so that it is available to all.High costs would furthur infuriate the people.this may also cause a great loss to the government and the organization.
Error: furthur Suggestion: further

flaws:
Don't need to paraphrase the statement in the introduction paragraph.

Not argued properly. for example in argument 1, if there is nothing about the survey from the essay topic, you don't put it as a loophole.

You may read a good GRE book.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 6 15
No. of Words: 274 350
No. of Characters: 1368 1500
No. of Different Words: 138 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.069 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.993 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.934 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 101 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 71 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 50 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 43 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 45.667 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 14.465 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 1 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.497 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 1 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.136 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5