Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium — substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The writer of the article avers that consuming dairy products increase the possibility of osteoporosis, the illness related to the condition of bones, contrary to the common belief that dairy products are helpful for preventing that disease. Although the author presents some evidence to support this idea, his argument is based on logical fallacies or unwarranted assumptions. Therefore, it is not possible to follow his opinion without the scrutiny of the evidence he mentions.
To begin with, the research quoted by the writer does not clearly reveal the exact figures. First of all, while the article states that a large number of participants were involved in the experiment, the exact amount of these people is not mentioned. Thus, it is probable that the number of particiapnts is not enough to validate the result. Similarly, the profiles of the participants that can decisively influence on the experiment are not clarified. As the author himself remarks, osteoporosis is usually found among the elders. Therefore, if the majority of the participating individuals are aged, they would be prone osteoporosis and its development regardless of their consumption of dairy products.
Furthermore, the author does not mention other variables that are significantly related to the research result. Firstly, as the writer states, osteoporosis is associated with genetic factors. However, the examination of genetic factors of the participants are not revealed in the research data. If many of these people have specific genetic conditions that are vulnerable to osteoporsis, the research study cannot be used as evidence to affirm the negative effects of dairy products on the aforementioned disease. In the same way, other variables are also important to decide if the test result is soley influenced by dairy products. For example, it should be mentioned if the participants have consumed other materials on a daily basis and if they have done specific activities, such as exercising. Unless it is confirmed that all those conditions were controlled, the research result cannot evade doubts.
Besides, it should be also noted that bone fractures cannot directly be linked to osteoporosis. Although it can be one symptom of the disease, it is not reasonable to conclude that the emergence of that symptom simply means the emergence of osteoporsis. It is possible that bone fractures are related to other diseases, and it is also proabable that this symptom is just a result of aging. Thus, if some people want to argue that osteoporsis really happens for those who constantly consume dairy products, they have to show other symptoms following the disease.
Finally, it should be also questioned that if the dairy products ingested by the participants have enough amount of vitamin D and calcium. It is not rare that such goods usually lack the sufficient amount of nutrients that are usually regarded as the necessary part. Therefore, their quality should be clarified as well.
In conclusion, it is not possible to make a statement that dairy products actually result in osteoporosis unless additional and reliable evidence, such as more research data.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 501 350
No. of Characters: 2596 1500
No. of Different Words: 221 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.731 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.182 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.856 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 205 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 160 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 118 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 71 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.875 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.055 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.75 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.287 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.514 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.052 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... scrutiny of the evidence he mentions. To begin with, the research quoted by th...
^^^^^
Line 2, column 141, Rule ID: LARGE_NUMBER_OF[1]
Message: Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use 'many' or 'numerous'
Suggestion: many; numerous
...t of all, while the article states that a large number of participants were involved in the exper...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...f their consumption of dairy products. Furthermore, the author does not mention...
^^^^^
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...e research result cannot evade doubts. Besides, it should be also noted that bo...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... other symptoms following the disease. Finally, it should be also questioned th...
^^^^^
Line 6, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...r quality should be clarified as well. In conclusion, it is not possible to mak...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, besides, finally, first, firstly, furthermore, however, if, really, similarly, so, therefore, thus, well, while, for example, in conclusion, such as, first of all, to begin with, in the same way
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 34.0 19.6327345309 173% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 20.0 13.6137724551 147% => OK
Pronoun: 47.0 28.8173652695 163% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 54.0 55.5748502994 97% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 16.3942115768 98% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2662.0 2260.96107784 118% => OK
No of words: 501.0 441.139720559 114% => OK
Chars per words: 5.31337325349 5.12650576532 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.73107062784 4.56307096286 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.95036583277 2.78398813304 106% => OK
Unique words: 229.0 204.123752495 112% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.457085828343 0.468620217663 98% => OK
syllable_count: 859.5 705.55239521 122% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 13.0 4.96107784431 262% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 9.0 2.70958083832 332% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 44.2779847165 57.8364921388 77% => OK
Chars per sentence: 110.916666667 119.503703932 93% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.875 23.324526521 89% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.75 5.70786347227 153% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 12.0 4.67664670659 257% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.172724113241 0.218282227539 79% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0444374310969 0.0743258471296 60% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0586398040489 0.0701772020484 84% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0963449664569 0.128457276422 75% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0272731309601 0.0628817314937 43% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.0 14.3799401198 97% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 42.72 48.3550499002 88% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.197005988 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.52 12.5979740519 107% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.01 8.32208582834 108% => OK
difficult_words: 139.0 98.500998004 141% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 12.3882235529 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.