Analysing the graph it is possible to notice that the consumption of some different kinds of meat in the period of time 1979-2004 have in common a continuous fluctuation with a trend to drop until 2004 except for chicken, while the consumption of fish remained regular.
The last one in fact, remained practically fixed all over the period of time 1979-2004 with around 50 grams per person per week; for what concerns instead chicken it started with approximately 150 grams per person per week in 1979 and after a constant fluctuation reached 100 grams more than at the beginning, in 2004.
About all the others kinds of meat, as mentioned, after having fluctuated in a minor or major measure are dramatically decreased.
The consumption of beef was quit high until 1989, but then it started to fall and in the same year lamb followed this tendency although between 1984 and 1989 the population consumed it 150 grams per week.
Sentence: Analysing the graph it is possible to notice that the consumption of some different kinds of meat in the period of time 1979-2004 have in common a continuous fluctuation with a trend to drop until 2004 except for chicken, while the consumption of fish remained regular.
Description: An adjective is not usually followed by an article
Suggestion: Refer to common and a
Sentence: About all the others kinds of meat, as mentioned, after having fluctuated in a minor or major measure are dramatically decreased.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to others and kinds
flaws:
The content is not well organized.
better to have 4 paragraphs:
para 1: introduction
para 2: body 1
para 3: body 2
para 4: conclusion
sample:
http://www.testbig.com/ielts-essays/graph-below-gives-information-about…
http://www.testbig.com/ielts-essays/you-should-spend-about-20-minutes-t…
or
para 1: introduction
para 2: conclusion
para 3: body 1
para 4: body 2
sample:
http://www.testbig.com/ielts-essays/climograph-below-shows-average-mont…
http://www.testbig.com/ielts-essays/graphs-below-show-types-music-album…
http://www.testbig.com/ielts-essays/table-below-gives-information-about…
Read essays by this user who is good at task I:
http://www.testbig.com/users/mrmo2610
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 4 10
No. of Words: 159 200
No. of Characters: 754 1000
No. of Different Words: 98 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.551 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.742 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.614 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 46 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 36 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 27 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 18 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 39.75 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.557 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.75 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.559 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 1 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.057 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4