Last week you were on a flight to London. Unfortunately, when you left the plane, you left a bag. You did not remember about the bag until you got to your hotel.
Write a letter to the airline. Explain what has happened, describe the bag and its contents and say what you would like them to do about it.
Dear sir,
Last week, I have been in Auckland international airport to attend my flight to London. And then, I remembered my lost bag as soon as I arrived to my hotel.
The reason that drove me to forget my bag since I was in hurry because the taxi was driving so slowly due to a huge traffic jam; Then, I was really rushed as soon as I reached to the airport.
My bag is black with 5 pockets and it has zippers. And I have many personal stuff in it; Like: my wallet, my credit card, 10,000 dollars and my own Laptop.
If that is possible, I’d like you to conceal my bag in a box and mail it to me within 4 days at most. This bag has really valuable stuff that I’d really need for my work here in London. There will be a reward.
I’m looking forward to hear your response and I’d like to thank you in advance for caring to read this letter.
Best regards,
Omar Sheta
Comments
I've fixed the flaws. Could
I've fixed the flaws.
Could you reevaluate the letter after the correction? If that won't be much of a trouble.
The score will be around 5.5
The score will be around 5.5 -6.0 even though the flaws are removed. You need to improve the language totally.
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flaws:
two 'because' in one sentence?
The reason that drove me to forget my bag since I was in hurry because the taxi was driving so slowly because there was a huge traffic jam
Need to improve the language, for example:
you: My bag is black, it has 5 pockets
better: My bag is black with 5 pockets
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 10 10
No. of Words: 179 200
No. of Characters: 688 1000
No. of Different Words: 108 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.658 4.0
Average Word Length: 3.844 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.076 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 42 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 23 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 7 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 2 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.9 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.094 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.4 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.391 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.77 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.158 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 4