Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
Children are future of our societies. Thus right direction can make them more effective for their countries. Moreover, parents and responsible persons(kindergarten teacher, school teachers and other) are keen to do their best for them. Some of them consider that having competition skills and experience is more useful, on the contrary the rest ones think that they should adapt working within teams. It became a very debatable topic. From the point of my, mixture of these methods are more helpful than to having them individually. , I will examine it, by giving specific information and cases from my experience.
I agree with the statement that, competition must have among students. One obvious feature of it is that, competition leaves students themselves, by doing their best. So it accelerates children analytical skills, speech , writing and etc in order to excel their counterparts. And a triumph after wining the competition is motivation for them and look at their future optimistically, because they believe in their own abilities. It is not doubt that, while people grow up, the number of competition which will be in their life will increase. Any experience which gained from childhood, can support them while life goes on.
From my experience, team working develops communication abilities, matching resources and knowledge which held by children. And this methods link to double win theory, because participation in team work projects benefit people to learn from one another. A wholly done puzzle is can be clear cut evidence, separately each piece of puzzle means nothing while they come together.
Although both of them have advantages, but it contains themselves some drawbacks. In team working, one`s leadership desire and superiority can shade the other`s activity and performance, and in some case they can be reluctant to be active themselves. Pure competition can make children very selfish, and isolate from their classmates.
To sum it up, by using both of them simultaneously and properly can prepare students for real life, and make more productive
Comments
Thank you very much, but
Thank you very much, but totally are bodies matched to the heading of essay?
Yes, they match to the topic.
Yes, they match to the topic. Double check grammar issues next time.
From the point of my,
From the point of mine,
And a triumph after wining the competition is motivation for them
And a triumph after wining the competition is the motivation for them
Any experience which gained from childhood, can support them while life goes on.
Any experience which are gained from childhood, can support them while life goes on.
matching resources and knowledge which held by children.
matching resources and knowledge which are held by children.
Sentence: And this methods link to double win theory, because participation in team work projects benefit people to learn from one another.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to this and methods
Sentence: A wholly done puzzle is can be clear cut evidence, separately each piece of puzzle means nothing while they come together.
Description: The token is is not usually followed by a modal auxillary
Suggestion: Refer to is and can
Sentence: In team working, ones leadership desire and superiority can shade the others activity and performance, and in some case they can be reluctant to be active themselves.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to ones and leadership
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to others and activity
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 329 350
No. of Characters: 1695 1500
No. of Different Words: 191 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.259 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.152 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.843 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 118 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 91 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 67 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 45 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.316 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.79 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.474 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.298 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.511 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.152 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5