The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree?
It is true that education is indispensible for children to accommodate with the fast paced of modern life. To a certain extent I disagree with the idea that educational curriculum should leave the arts subjects such as painting and music. However, I accept that they need to acknowledge practical subjects such as information technology.
Learning information technology in the school’s education can bring a new advancement for a country. It allows children to broaden their knowledge about the technology tools such as computer which could encourage them to research and developing in this sector. For example, in Finland, children learn software developing in school which helps to invent convenient computer application for them. This could be a progress for a country to advance in the contemporary world. Therefore, studying information technology is a way to organize young learners for the developed world.
However, I would argue that painting and music should not be eliminated from the syllabus to increase children’s focus on the above mentioned subject. Excluding these subjects can effect on both cultures and economy of a country. This could be a deterrent for the children to practice their traditional music which keep them unaware about their cultures. Hence, they might forget own cultural music and tend to adopt other cultures which pose a significant cultural threat for a country. A recent survey shows that in Bangladesh 20% young people are naive about their folk music because they have not practice it in school. Similarly, we would have suffered for the need of artists in paintings, and this could prohibit us to arrange any international exhibitions .As a result, there are few foreign visitors will be interested to travel the country, and losing the income from this sector.
In conclusion, though learning scientific subjects at school poses essential competency for the children to manage the modern world, I believe that paintings and music should not be removed from the school curriculum for these subjects.
Grammar and spelling errors:
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Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ubjects such as information technology. Learning information technology in the s...
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Line 3, column 415, Rule ID: A_UNCOUNTABLE[1]
Message: Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply 'progress'.
Suggestion: progress
...ter application for them. This could be a progress for a country to advance in the contemp...
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Line 5, column 607, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: 'practiced'.
Suggestion: practiced
... their folk music because they have not practice it in school. Similarly, we would have ...
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Suggestion: .
...to arrange any international exhibitions .As a result, there are few foreign visit...
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Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: As
... arrange any international exhibitions .As a result, there are few foreign visitor...
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Transition Words or Phrases used:
hence, however, if, similarly, so, therefore, for example, in conclusion, such as, as a result, it is true
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 10.0 13.1623246493 76% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 7.85571142285 191% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 10.4138276553 77% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 7.30460921844 137% => OK
Pronoun: 32.0 24.0651302605 133% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 38.0 41.998997996 90% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 8.3376753507 96% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1741.0 1615.20841683 108% => OK
No of words: 325.0 315.596192385 103% => OK
Chars per words: 5.35692307692 5.12529762239 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.24591054749 4.20363070211 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.90886586004 2.80592935109 104% => OK
Unique words: 174.0 176.041082164 99% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.535384615385 0.561755894193 95% => OK
syllable_count: 528.3 506.74238477 104% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.60771543086 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 5.43587174349 166% => OK
Article: 1.0 2.52805611222 40% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.10420841683 95% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 0.809619238477 247% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 3.0 4.76152304609 63% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 16.0721442886 93% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 20.2975951904 103% => OK
Sentence length SD: 51.2135398764 49.4020404114 104% => OK
Chars per sentence: 116.066666667 106.682146367 109% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.6666666667 20.7667163134 104% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.06666666667 7.06120827912 100% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.38176352705 91% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.01903807615 100% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 8.67935871743 58% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 3.9879759519 150% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 3.4128256513 117% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.319213615291 0.244688304435 130% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.115476524894 0.084324248473 137% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0692947096038 0.0667982634062 104% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.224535574027 0.151304729494 148% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0710122007164 0.056905535591 125% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.7 13.0946893788 112% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.16 50.2224549098 100% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.44779559118 150% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 11.3001002004 102% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.81 12.4159519038 111% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.95 8.58950901804 104% => OK
difficult_words: 88.0 78.4519038076 112% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 9.78957915832 107% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 10.1190380762 103% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 10.7795591182 102% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 73.0337078652 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 6.5 Out of 9
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.