In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are steel students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

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In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are steel students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

For every person, whether a girls or a boy, job has been a crucial part of one’s life, having a great influence on his or her life during their lifetime. However, there is a heated controversy as to what is the right opportune time to get a job, in particular for young people who are attending university or college? Some people believe that the student’s job is merely to learn and study deeply and continually, whereas some believe conversely – that is – a student can work throughout his or her learning. I subscribe to the idea that it is better for a youth to work for several reasons, explicated in next paragraphs.

First of all, a student can gain a great deal of up-to-the-minute practical and functional knowledge, related to his traditional courses in university, by allocating only a marginal portion of his or her own time, working for a famous company. The mixed information obtained by student via books and professors in university and also work experience helps the student to move up his or her knowledge efficiently, as well as gaining many skills. Meanwhile this experience will be useful for the main job, in the soon future, as a resume and mastery in that job. Due to theoretical books which are being taught in schools, and other educational levels students feel that these lessons are unproductive and useless. Therefore working is a good choice for these kinds of students to understand the significance of their lessons.

Second of all, in today’s world, relationships are more important than the skills you have acquired in many cases which are not fair and suitable for a developed society. When one works in a corporation, this is crystal clear that with high probable he or she will meet some people in that work place – that is – his or her colleagues. Consequently by contact fellow-workers especially those are in higher level of corporation, you have the chance to work in this company in future. This is why most of the students, having not worked anywhere, anytime during university, have lots of problems.

The last but not least, by working for a corporation you can gain a lot of creative ideas which is not possible for those who are attending universities. This creative idea can be led to a major innovation years after this experience. For instance, my brother was a simple worker at a business company when he was attending college and he had been a simple student that time. Thanks to his intelligent brain and use the ideas that he got from that company, he has constituted his own company and now he has one the most prominent companies of our city.

In conclusion, with all this taken into account, I believe that working for a student is much better than gaining knowledge only by reading books. Working has merits far outweigh their demerits. Although sometimes working is a time consuming procedure when you are a student, but by gaining a wide variety of practical skills in addition of experiences you will be success in your future main job, definitely.

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whether a girls or a boy,
whether a girl or a boy,

with high probable
with high probabilities

ideas which is not possible
ideas which are not possible

Although sometimes working is a time consuming procedure when you are a student, but by...
Description: don't put 'although' 'but' in one sentence.

you will be success in your future
you will be successful in your future

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Words: 518 350 //Write the essay in 30 minutes.

The introduction paragraph could be simpler. The essay body is well developed.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 518 350
No. of Characters: 2431 1500
No. of Different Words: 250 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.771 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.693 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.712 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 168 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 133 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 83 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 62 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.9 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.758 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.55 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.293 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.522 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.156 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5