Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they already know how to do well?
There is a clicle' in my culture said "person who afraid from climbing the mountain will spend his entire life among the wholes ". Undoubtedly,Most people avoid taking risks and try doing things they already do well.Others do not. As far as I am concerned,I believe successful people are quite different from ordinary ones,they take risks and try new things in order to gain profit and achieve their goals.
First of all,trying new things give people opportunity to find new ways which are different with traditional things.Without changing the regular way people would never develop or improve their lives.For example,Columbus is the man who sailed from Great Britain to reach India. Without changing the ordinary path that most sailors travel through it safely for centuries,he would not discover America; the new continent.With his risky travelling he achieved a great success. Other example,they incredible development with computers,cell phones and other invitations that improve the quality of living. Scientists and researchers find new way and try different methods which can open new horizons in people's life.
Second,taking and trying new methods may lead successful people to obtain fame but are not always safe. We can find several examples for that,such as Madam Curie,succeeded in her new chemical experiment to discover the Uranium. Unfortunately,she did not know it was dangerous and carcinogenic . She had endangered herself and her husband to harmful radiation which led them died and help from cancer a as example of successful person who risk their lives for ordinary people ad achieving success.
All in all,to reach your target,achieve your goal and create from you a successful person, you have to take risks which could led you with a happy successful life or danger for yourself.
Sentence: There is a clicle' in my culture said 'person who afraid from climbing the mountain will spend his entire life among the wholes '.
Description: A WH-pronoun, nominative is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to who and afraid
trying new things give people opportunity
trying new things gives people opportunity
Sentence: Other example,they incredible development with computers,cell phones and other invitations that improve the quality of living.
Description: A pronoun, personal, nominative, not 3rd person singular is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to they and incredible
Sentence: There is a clicle' in my culture said 'person who afraid from climbing the mountain will spend his entire life among the wholes '.
Error: clicle Suggestion: cliche
flaws:
The structure is not good enough. try this pattern:
paragraph 1: introduction. Your ideas/opinions here.
paragraph 2: Admittedly, there are some advantages of side A. First, ... Second, ...
paragraph 3: However, still I support side B. reason 1 + why reason 1 + example + a small conclusion for this paragraph.
paragraph 4: reason 2 + why reason 2 + example + a small conclusion for this paragraph.
paragraph 5: conclusion.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 21 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 12 15
No. of Words: 303 350
No. of Characters: 1481 1500
No. of Different Words: 179 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.172 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.888 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.429 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 108 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 73 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 45 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 29 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.25 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.841 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.333 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.362 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.593 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.17 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5