TOEFL Independent Writing Task - II
Question:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. Be sure to use your own words. Do not use memorized examples.
I agree with the statement that people would be benefitted more if they travelled within their own country because it gives a very good opportunity to understand and see our own country and understand the cultures and traditions from different regions of a country. This helps us to build tolerance, respect, and mutual admiration about our own people who are needed the most at the time of trouble or problems in our country.
First of all, domestic travel is a great way to support our internal economy and to make sure that tourism thrives in our country. Because of the increased travel within the country, the local communities get support from their own countrymen who visit them. This in turn, ensures that tour guides, shops selling handicrafts and souvenirs do not have to depend on rich foreigners. Therefore, it augurs very well for the people engaged in tourism. Similarly, the domestic travel can be made cheaper for the visitors. As they are in their own country, they will have a general sense of costs; security, transportation etc. and the travellers need not worry about many things. In my opinion, it helps to ensure the mental peace to the travellers.
Secondly, while travelling in foreign countries, we may see many new things but we may not be able to remember them all for a long time because some of the exotic things may be unrelated to our lives. Sometimes, it is difficult to appreciate and make sense of some of the foreign arts, or culture as they are completely new to us. For example, some of the traditions followed by tribal or native people from another country may not make any sense to a foreign visitor. In such situations, the whole trip may be boring and unexciting and the traveller may not be able to enjoy at all. In contrast to that, we tend to understand and relate many things from our own country. That’s why travelling within one’s own country can be more enjoyable, and exciting.
In my conclusion, I would like to state that travellers can benefit a lot by travelling within their country as they get an excellent opportunity to witness some of the pearls from their own country and chance to make their travelling memorable.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 145, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
...member them all for a long time because some of the exotic things may be unrelated to our l...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 261, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
...fficult to appreciate and make sense of some of the foreign arts, or culture as they are co...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 345, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
... are completely new to us. For example, some of the traditions followed by tribal or native...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 158, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
...get an excellent opportunity to witness some of the pearls from their own country and chanc...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 247, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...nce to make their travelling memorable.
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, if, may, second, secondly, similarly, so, therefore, well, while, for example, in contrast, first of all, in contrast to, in my opinion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 12.0 15.1003584229 79% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 9.8082437276 133% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 13.8261648746 123% => OK
Relative clauses : 7.0 11.0286738351 63% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 40.0 43.0788530466 93% => OK
Preposition: 56.0 52.1666666667 107% => OK
Nominalization: 4.0 8.0752688172 50% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1819.0 1977.66487455 92% => OK
No of words: 378.0 407.700716846 93% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.81216931217 4.8611393121 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.40933352052 4.48103885553 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.6775009292 2.67179642975 100% => OK
Unique words: 186.0 212.727598566 87% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.492063492063 0.524837075471 94% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 567.0 618.680645161 92% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 9.59856630824 104% => OK
Interrogative: 0.0 0.994623655914 0% => OK
Article: 3.0 3.08781362007 97% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 3.51792114695 85% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.86738351254 214% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 5.0 4.94265232975 101% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 20.6003584229 83% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 22.0 20.1344086022 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 59.0613428101 48.9658058833 121% => OK
Chars per sentence: 107.0 100.406767564 107% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.2352941176 20.6045352989 108% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.64705882353 5.45110844103 159% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.5376344086 90% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 11.8709677419 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 0.0 3.85842293907 0% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.88709677419 82% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.284114313145 0.236089414692 120% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0900585322414 0.076458572812 118% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0744059211898 0.0737576698707 101% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.196478823591 0.150856017488 130% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0409015317999 0.0645574589148 63% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.3 11.7677419355 105% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 57.61 58.1214874552 99% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 10.1575268817 105% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.91 10.9000537634 100% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.11 8.01818996416 101% => OK
difficult_words: 81.0 86.8835125448 93% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 10.002688172 135% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 10.0537634409 107% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 10.247311828 107% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.