It is a highly debated issue whether or not the success in the future job depends on the relationship with people or the studying hard, and this can approach from several angles due to its complexity. Deeply deliberating to the issue, I believe that related well with the people is more important than studying hard. And the following discussion reveals my stand and reasoning.
First, our job performance enhances by relating well with customers, take my self an example; I am working in the Walgreens pharmacy near my home. Before I am starting this job in this pharmacy, there are little customers visit it, but after joining this location, customers increase by 25% this because of my personality and treating the customers like my relatives. While my friend Sara worked there before me and she is clever than me when she was at college. But the difference between us that I can talk with customers well and build a great relationship with them even when I saw some of them in other places. While my friend was not patient and kind so, she lost her job there after a complaint from a lot of customers Because of it extremely vital to bridge the gap of the psychological barrier to give your self and your career the chance to flourish.
Second, the success of companies rely on their customers, so when they are hiring candidates, the priority is the satisfaction of their costumers not other. For example, my husband applied to get a job as a salesman in the Apple company. During his interview, he met his best friend in the college and after working together for about ten months. their boss praise my husband due to his excellent customer reviews to him and their honesty even though he graduated from his school with not good grates but his work performance appreciated by his boss and customers. And now he is the store manager, and he is accessed his friend, who still in his position a salesman.
By the way to the conclusion, beased on the arguments explored above, I firmly concur that successfully jobs depend on treating the customer well to improve a person's performance and job position
Essay evaluation report
there are little customers visit it,
there are few customers who visit it,
few customers visit it,
But the difference between us that I can talk with customers well and build a great relationship
But the difference between us is that I can talk with customers well and build a great relationship
Because of it extremely vital to bridge the gap of the psychological barrier
Because it is extremely vital to bridge the gap of the psychological barrier
-------------------
flaws:
1. examples are too much. Before examples, need some arguments. like this:
Para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree. (suppose we support side A)
Para 2: First, reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 1 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).
Para 3: Second, reason 2, blabla... do the same thing as First
Para 4: Admittedly, there are some advantages of side B. However, there is no causation/relation... Still I support side A, ...first,....second...
Para 5: Conclusion.
An simple example (Eating at home or restaurant) for paragraph 2:
Para 2: First, reason 1 (1 sentence: Eating at home can save money) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences: I can prepare cheaper food from food market; I don't need to drive or take a bus to reach the restaurant; I don't need to pay tips...) + examples for reason 1 (around 1 sentence: for example, a sandwich can cost me $10 at restaurant, but it only cost me $5 at home.) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences: with the money I saved, I can buy a good book to read; I can use the money for a trip...).
----------------------
2. Need more arguments for '...is more important than studying hard in school.'
---------------------
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 20 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 368 350
No. of Characters: 1703 1500
No. of Different Words: 193 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.38 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.628 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.596 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 121 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 90 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 61 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 37 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.308 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.406 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.846 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.351 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.58 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.174 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 30, Rule ID: WHETHER[7]
Message: Perhaps you can shorten this phrase to just 'whether'. It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Suggestion: whether
It is a highly debated issue whether or not the success in the future job depends o...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 292, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...this location, customers increase by 25% this because of my personality and treat...
^^
Line 2, column 681, Rule ID: EN_COMPOUNDS
Message: This word is normally spelled as one.
Suggestion: thereafter
...t patient and kind so, she lost her job there after a complaint from a lot of customers Bec...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 9, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...areer the chance to flourish. Second, the success of companies rely on their c...
^^^
Line 3, column 351, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Their
... working together for about ten months. their boss praise my husband due to his excel...
^^^^^
Line 4, column 161, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'persons'' or 'person's'?
Suggestion: persons'; person's
...treating the customer well to improve a persons performance and job position
^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 197, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...e a persons performance and job position
^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, if, second, so, still, well, while, for example, by the way
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 10.0 15.1003584229 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 2.0 9.8082437276 20% => OK
Conjunction : 19.0 13.8261648746 137% => OK
Relative clauses : 7.0 11.0286738351 63% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 57.0 43.0788530466 132% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 54.0 52.1666666667 104% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 8.0752688172 99% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1740.0 1977.66487455 88% => OK
No of words: 368.0 407.700716846 90% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.72826086957 4.8611393121 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.37987740619 4.48103885553 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.67510025782 2.67179642975 100% => OK
Unique words: 198.0 212.727598566 93% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.538043478261 0.524837075471 103% => OK
syllable_count: 539.1 618.680645161 87% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 9.59856630824 94% => OK
Article: 2.0 3.08781362007 65% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 3.51792114695 85% => OK
Conjunction: 6.0 1.86738351254 321% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 3.0 4.94265232975 61% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 14.0 20.6003584229 68% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 26.0 20.1344086022 129% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 56.3757890573 48.9658058833 115% => OK
Chars per sentence: 124.285714286 100.406767564 124% => OK
Words per sentence: 26.2857142857 20.6045352989 128% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.07142857143 5.45110844103 93% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.5376344086 126% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 11.8709677419 84% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 3.85842293907 52% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.88709677419 41% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.185625221294 0.236089414692 79% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0728083749362 0.076458572812 95% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0971922636165 0.0737576698707 132% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.14139602995 0.150856017488 94% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.113965751453 0.0645574589148 177% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.0 11.7677419355 119% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 53.55 58.1214874552 92% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 10.1575268817 121% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.45 10.9000537634 96% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.57 8.01818996416 107% => OK
difficult_words: 85.0 86.8835125448 98% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 10.002688172 105% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.4 10.0537634409 123% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 10.247311828 107% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 76.6666666667 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 23.0 Out of 30
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.