TPO25(independent) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement.
Young people nowadays do not give enough time to help their communities.
It is a highly debated issue whether or not juveniles give enough time to helping their communities and this topic can be approached from several angels due to its complexity. While some people tend to think that young people like to take part in their communities' activities more than past, others believed that nowadays most of the people are too busy to devote their time for such activities. Deeply deliberating over the issue, I believe that seldom do young people give their precious time to assist their communities and following discussion reveals my stand and justification.
To commence, my first subtle point which requires to be mentioned is that actually studying takes a lot of time from children, as most of them wish to be accepted in a well-known university. Consequently, most of the children have to try hard to be successful in the university entrance exam competition. Therefore, they feel too exhausted to take part voluntarily in the communities’ related tasks.
Another substantial explanation that can be taken into consideration is that as most of the families have just one child, as a result of one-child policy, most of the children have being become too selfish and they are reluctant to help their communities. Unfortunately, the only thing they are concerned and think about is their cloths' brands.
Finally yet importantly, having discussed the issue from that point of view. One would rather look at it from another perspective. Today, we have the chance of living in a technological world. So that, communities could easily get help from specialists rather than amateurs like young children. Cellphones and internet are convenient ways of asking help from others. For instance, communities could get assistance from their neighborhoods by calling them in case of emergencies.
To recapitulate briefly, based on the aforementioned elucidations, I am in conviction that young people are reluctant to take part in their communities in comparison to past. This is not to say, of course, that other viewpoints that support the notion are completely wrong. However, I believe that the testimonies I provided in favour of my opinion are stronger.
flaws:
The structure of the essay is not correct. Need to put the fourth paragraph as the second paragraph if you want to argue on both side, like this:
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Here goes the introduction....
Admittedly, today, we have the chance of living in a technological world. So that, communities could easily get help from specialists rather than amateurs like young children. Cellphones and internet are convenient ways of asking help from others. For instance, communities could get assistance from their neighborhoods by calling them in case of emergencies.
However, studying takes a lot of time from young people, as most of them wish to be accepted in a well-known university. Consequently, most of the children have to try hard to be successful in the university entrance exam competition. Therefore, they feel too exhausted to take part voluntarily in the communities’ related tasks.
Another substantial explanation that can be taken into consideration is that as most of the families have just one child, as a result of one-child policy, most of the children have being become too selfish and they are reluctant to help their communities. Unfortunately, the only thing they are concerned and think about is their cloths' brands.
Here goes the conclusion ....
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'juveniles' is not equal to 'young people'
'children' is not equal to 'young people'
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 18 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 352 350
No. of Characters: 1783 1500
No. of Different Words: 193 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.331 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.065 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.933 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 119 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 89 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 72 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 53 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.706 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.15 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.706 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.307 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.572 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.095 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5