Benton City residents have adopted healthier lifestyles. A recent survey of city residents shows that the eating habits of city residents conform more closely to government nutritional recommendations than they did ten years ago. During those ten years, local sales of food products containing kiran, a substance that a scientific study has shown reduces cholesterol, have increased fourfold, while sales of sulia, a food rarely eaten by the healthiest residents, have declined dramatically. Because of these positive changes in the eating habits of Benton City residents, we predict that the obesity rate in the city will soon be well below the national average.
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the prediction and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.
The author of the argument states that benton city residents have adopted healthier lifestyles. To buttress his argument, the author cites the following evidences: first, citiznes' eating habits conform more closely to government nutritional recommendations than ten years ago based on a recent survey; second, local slaes of food products containing kiran have increased; finally, there is obvious trend in reduced sales of sulia. Though the issue has its own merit, due to incomplete evidences, the conclusion is unsubstantiated.
To begin with, the nature and quality of results of survey is questionable. In order to fully evaluate the claim, we should be offered about more detailed information about the survey. For example, the number of participants, their genders, ages and living habits. if the survey is relied only on students, then they are not representative of all groups of the public in benton city. The survey, in addition, only focuses on eating habits, whereas healthful lifestyles include more parts, such as sleeping schedule and outdoor sports. if most people, because busy working conditions, do not spend much time on exercising, then even if they eat healthier, their healthness cannot be guaranteed. The validity of government nutritional recommendations also worth questioning. The author should provide more evidences about the recommendations, addressing whether they are suitable for all people or whether they are affordable for individuals.
Moreover, increasing in sales of food products containing kiran does not necessarily lead to healthier lifestyles. we need to know the general illness common in Forsythe. if most citizens are not suffered from cholesterol, then kiran that are helpful in reducing cholesterol might be bootless. The author should also add more information about kiran. For instance, how many daily intake can be useful and whether there are the side effects. In all likelihood, if taking a little is enough to alleviate the illness, but much would cause some unexpected negative impact, then local people who increase in having food products containing kiran might face the risk of causing other unhealthy things. Without enough information about pros and cons of kiran and the usage of it, we are unable to fully develope our analysis.
last but not least, the last piece of evidences to assit in our evaluation are the reasons behind reduced in sales and sulia, and the causal effect between wellness of intaking of sulia. it is plausible that the price of sulia increases a lot, so that it is natural that there would be a reduced sales in sulia. Furthermore, the fact that few of most healthy citizens regulary eat does not mean that they are unhealthy. Possibly that the tastes are not satisfying or sulia is not always locally available. if the main reason that those people keep healthy is by eating more vegetables and fruits and keep up a stable working schedule, then reducing the usage of sulia might not contribute positively to health at all.
In conclusion, as it stands, the conclusion is based on several incomplete evidences that weaken the credibility of this passage in health magazine. To further strengthen the argument, the author is recommended to provide the evidences as follows: first, more information about survey and whether the results are reliables; second, whether increasing sales in food consisting of kiran is the unambiguous indication of improving wellness of citizens; last, more piece of information about sulia, including its effectiveness and prices.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
argument 1 -- not exactly. Maybe nutritional recommendations are different in 10 years.
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK, but can be put together in argument 2.
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Need to argue against the conclusion always. For this topic it is:
Because of these positive changes in the eating habits of Benton City residents, we predict that the obesity rate in the city will soon be well below the national average.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 563 350
No. of Characters: 2910 1500
No. of Different Words: 267 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.871 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.169 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.77 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 222 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 159 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 114 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 77 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 29.632 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 16.598 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.737 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.298 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.52 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.069 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 266, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
... their genders, ages and living habits. if the survey is relied only on students, ...
^^
Line 3, column 536, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
...s sleeping schedule and outdoor sports. if most people, because busy working condi...
^^
Line 5, column 116, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: We
...cessarily lead to healthier lifestyles. we need to know the general illness common...
^^
Line 5, column 172, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
...the general illness common in Forsythe. if most citizens are not suffered from cho...
^^
Line 5, column 820, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... unable to fully develope our analysis. last but not least, the last piece of ev...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Last
...le to fully develope our analysis. last but not least, the last piece of eviden...
^^^^
Line 7, column 188, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: It
... between wellness of intaking of sulia. it is plausible that the price of sulia in...
^^
Line 7, column 446, Rule ID: PROGRESSIVE_VERBS[1]
Message: This verb is normally not used in the progressive form. Try a simple form instead.
...are unhealthy. Possibly that the tastes are not satisfying or sulia is not always locally availabl...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 507, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
... sulia is not always locally available. if the main reason that those people keep ...
^^
Line 9, column 470, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ellness of citizens; last, more piece of information about sulia, including its e...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, furthermore, if, moreover, second, so, then, well, whereas, for example, for instance, in addition, in conclusion, such as, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 28.0 19.6327345309 143% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 16.0 11.1786427146 143% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 31.0 28.8173652695 108% => OK
Preposition: 72.0 55.5748502994 130% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2999.0 2260.96107784 133% => OK
No of words: 563.0 441.139720559 128% => OK
Chars per words: 5.32682060391 5.12650576532 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.87110059796 4.56307096286 107% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.89025282446 2.78398813304 104% => OK
Unique words: 288.0 204.123752495 141% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.511545293073 0.468620217663 109% => OK
syllable_count: 942.3 705.55239521 134% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 9.0 2.70958083832 332% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.22255489022 189% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 25.0 19.7664670659 126% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 79.771172738 57.8364921388 138% => OK
Chars per sentence: 119.96 119.503703932 100% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.52 23.324526521 97% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.56 5.70786347227 115% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 10.0 5.25449101796 190% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.192206287162 0.218282227539 88% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0488665592655 0.0743258471296 66% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0817903779821 0.0701772020484 117% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.115532030834 0.128457276422 90% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.126269929028 0.0628817314937 201% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.9 14.3799401198 104% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 40.69 48.3550499002 84% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.1 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.93 12.5979740519 111% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.05 8.32208582834 109% => OK
difficult_words: 154.0 98.500998004 156% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.