Benton City residents have adopted healthier lifestyles. A recent survey of city residents shows that the eating habits of city residents conform more closely to government nutritional recommendations than they did ten years ago. During those ten years, local sales of food products containing kiran, a substance that a scientific study has shown reduces cholesterol, have increased fourfold, while sales of sulia, a food rarely eaten by the healthiest residents, have declined dramatically. Because of these positive changes in the eating habits of Benton City residents, we predict that the obesity rate in the city will soon be well below the national average.
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the prediction and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.
The argument claims that the obesity rate of Benton city residents would be below the national average because of their healthier lifestyle choices i.e consumption of Kiran. When stated this way the argument manipulates fact and conveys a distorted view of the situation. Of course it is not far fetched that healthy lifestyle could cause weight reduction, however the conclusion of this argument relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence, hence the argument is unconvincing and has several flaws.
First the argument readily assumes that positive changes in eating habits of Benton city residents would result in reduction in obesity rate. The author has made certain assumptions in predicting the future. For example, what if the positive changes were made by some of physical activity performed by these residents not necessarily eating habits. Besides how does not author know that all Benton city residents are eating healthy? Was a study conducted that directly relates these eating habits to reduction in obesity rates? what was the scope of study and was sample size used representative of the whole city? For the author to make some predictions, he should have compelling evidence upon which analytical predictions can be made. The argument could be clearer if the author had clearly stated upon how these predictions were made.
In addition to this, the author made a survey of city residents eating habits conforming to government nutritional recommendation. This is again a weak and unsupported claim as their is no quantifiable evidence to back this. Furthermore, i am wondering what could be the motivation behind this study, probably its campaign season and politicians want to show some progress they have made so far. To illustate this the author made a comparison to surveys done 10 years ago. One would wonder why since it is expected that the pool of residents used might be different. Perhaps the more consists more of a more enligtened generation who are typically more conscious of their health compared to 10 years ago. It is not all clear. Perhaps if the argument had provideed evidence that the group used are similar in some way and made some quantifiable analysis, then it would have been a lot more convincing.
Finally, the author makes a correlation about healthier lifestyles of Benton residents being associated with eating Kiran without some kind of explanation to back it up. He also quotes some scientific study about kiran reducing cholestrol. Another claim is that during the 10 year study sales of Kiran increased and Sulia reduces. What evidence does he have to back this. What if the increase in sales of Kiran was as a result of price reduction? The author did not have any evidence to support that the city residents strictly ate Kiran during the 10 year period.Additonally the reduction in sales of Sulia could be as a result of price increase or change in flavour not necessarily becuase it is the less healthier choice. One is left with the impression that the claim is more wishful thinking rather than substansive evidence. As a result the prediction has no legs to stand on.
In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above mentioned reasons and is therfore inconvincing, it could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: To illustate this the author made a comparison to surveys done 10 years ago.
Error: illustate Suggestion: illustrate
Sentence: Perhaps the more consists more of a more enligtened generation who are typically more conscious of their health compared to 10 years ago.
Error: enligtened Suggestion: enlightened
Sentence: Perhaps if the argument had provideed evidence that the group used are similar in some way and made some quantifiable analysis, then it would have been a lot more convincing.
Error: provideed Suggestion: provided
Sentence: The author did not have any evidence to support that the city residents strictly ate Kiran during the 10 year period.Additonally the reduction in sales of Sulia could be as a result of price increase or change in flavour not necessarily becuase it is the less healthier choice.
Error: becuase Suggestion: because
Sentence: One is left with the impression that the claim is more wishful thinking rather than substansive evidence.
Error: substansive Suggestion: substantive
Sentence: In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above mentioned reasons and is therfore inconvincing, it could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts.
Error: therfore Suggestion: therefore
Error: inconvincing Suggestion: No alternate word
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flaws:
Need to argue against the conclusion always. For this topic it is:
Because of these positive changes in the eating habits of Benton City residents, we predict that the obesity rate in the city will soon be well below the national average.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
No. of Sentences: 27 15
No. of Words: 552 350
No. of Characters: 2741 1500
No. of Different Words: 251 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.847 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.966 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.723 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 195 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 146 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 110 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 74 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.444 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.616 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.519 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.29 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.468 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.092 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 529, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: What
...g habits to reduction in obesity rates? what was the scope of study and was sample s...
^^^^
Line 5, column 178, Rule ID: THEIR_IS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'there'?
Suggestion: there
...s again a weak and unsupported claim as their is no quantifiable evidence to back thi...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 239, Rule ID: I_LOWERCASE[2]
Message: Did you mean 'I'?
Suggestion: I
...ble evidence to back this. Furthermore, i am wondering what could be the motivati...
^
Line 7, column 565, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Additonally
...tly ate Kiran during the 10 year period.Additonally the reduction in sales of Sulia could b...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 703, Rule ID: LESS_COMPARATIVE[1]
Message: Non-standard use of the comparative or superlative. Did you mean 'less healthy'?
Suggestion: less healthy
...avour not necessarily becuase it is the less healthier choice. One is left with the impression...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 832, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “As” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...nking rather than substansive evidence. As a result the prediction has no legs to ...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, besides, finally, first, furthermore, hence, however, if, so, then, for example, in addition, in conclusion, kind of, of course, as a result
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 31.0 19.6327345309 158% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 12.9520958084 93% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 38.0 28.8173652695 132% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 63.0 55.5748502994 113% => OK
Nominalization: 30.0 16.3942115768 183% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2800.0 2260.96107784 124% => OK
No of words: 550.0 441.139720559 125% => OK
Chars per words: 5.09090909091 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.84273464058 4.56307096286 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.8142940926 2.78398813304 101% => OK
Unique words: 256.0 204.123752495 125% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.465454545455 0.468620217663 99% => OK
syllable_count: 899.1 705.55239521 127% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 28.0 19.7664670659 142% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 57.9907628112 57.8364921388 100% => OK
Chars per sentence: 100.0 119.503703932 84% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.6428571429 23.324526521 84% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.21428571429 5.70786347227 91% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.20758483034 158% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.67664670659 192% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.240441030613 0.218282227539 110% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0678559483985 0.0743258471296 91% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0843573407194 0.0701772020484 120% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.120698371049 0.128457276422 94% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.072130053177 0.0628817314937 115% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.4 14.3799401198 86% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 52.19 48.3550499002 108% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.24 12.5979740519 97% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.2 8.32208582834 99% => OK
difficult_words: 126.0 98.500998004 128% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.