An international development organization, in response to a vitamin A deficiency among people in the impoverished nation of Tagus, has engineered a new breed of millet high in vitamin A. While seeds for this new type of millet cost more, farmers will be paid subsidies for farming the new variety of millet. Since millet is already a staple food in Tagus, people will readily adopt the new variety. To combat vitamin A deficiency, the government of Tagus should do everything it can to promote this new type of millet.
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
This argument, while it could make sense, contains many generalizations and exaggerations that weaken the argument.
The author mentions a vitamin A deficiency but does not mention how severe the deficiency is nor states who makes this claim of deficiency, making it unclear how urgent the deficiency is or how credible such a claim is. By answering these questions, the author would be able to assert the deficiency's urgency and need to be addressed.
The author also jumps to the conclusion that people will adopt the new variety of millet despite its higher cost due to subsidies and it already being a staple food. The author, however, does not go into depth about the numbers of the new millet costing more as well as how much the subsidies are, making it unclear if the subsidies are able to offset the increased costs and justify use of the new millet economically. When claiming that people will adopt the new millet because millet is a staple food, the author fails to detail other factors of the new millet outside of cost, such as taste and cooking chemistry. Without more information about the new millet, the author's assumption that people will adopt the new millet is unjustified. If the author were able to detail the monetary factors of the new millet, they could promote the new millet from an economic standpoint. If the author were also able to demonstrate that the new millet has same, similar, or better attributes than the millet currently used, they could make a justified guess that people would adopt the new millet.
The author also suggests that the government should do everything possible to promote this new type of millet and combat the vitamin A deficiency. Assuming that the author would be able to assert the deficiency's urgency and make the economic and utility case for the millet mentioned earlier, these corrections would be able to confirm the need to combat the deficiency with the new millet. The author, however, still makes an extreme claim in saying that the government should do everything it can to promote the millet. For this to occur, the author need to demonstrate that the government has no other issues to address, or the vitamin A deficiency would have to be much more severe than any other issue facing the government. Although such a scenario is extremely improbable and almost laughable, such a justification would be able to support the current claim that the government should do everything it can to promote the new millet.
With such corrections, the author would be able to bolster their argument that the new type of millet should be promoted to tackle the stated vitamin A deficiency.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 450 350
No. of Characters: 2161 1500
No. of Different Words: 175 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.606 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.802 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.546 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 162 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 99 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 63 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 30 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.802 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.6 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.482 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.717 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.237 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 260, Rule ID: COMP_THAN[3]
Message: Comparison requires 'than', not 'then' nor 'as'.
Suggestion: than
... numbers of the new millet costing more as well as how much the subsidies are, mak...
^^
Line 5, column 670, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...e information about the new millet, the authors assumption that people will adopt the n...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, however, if, so, still, well, while, such as, as well as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 19.6327345309 97% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 22.0 12.9520958084 170% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 11.1786427146 125% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 28.0 28.8173652695 97% => OK
Preposition: 41.0 55.5748502994 74% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2210.0 2260.96107784 98% => OK
No of words: 450.0 441.139720559 102% => OK
Chars per words: 4.91111111111 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.6057793516 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.61662679847 2.78398813304 94% => OK
Unique words: 182.0 204.123752495 89% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.404444444444 0.468620217663 86% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 691.2 705.55239521 98% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 19.7664670659 76% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 30.0 22.8473053892 131% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 45.5477283249 57.8364921388 79% => OK
Chars per sentence: 147.333333333 119.503703932 123% => OK
Words per sentence: 30.0 23.324526521 129% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.46666666667 5.70786347227 78% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.20758483034 122% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.67664670659 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.35114344887 0.218282227539 161% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.156989852817 0.0743258471296 211% => Sentence topic similarity is high.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0679669713768 0.0701772020484 97% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.18170179842 0.128457276422 141% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0963323879002 0.0628817314937 153% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.7 14.3799401198 116% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 49.49 48.3550499002 102% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.8 12.197005988 113% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.79 12.5979740519 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.18 8.32208582834 98% => OK
difficult_words: 87.0 98.500998004 88% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 14.0 11.1389221557 126% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.