some people believe that increasing violence in the media is the cause of increasing violence in our society, especially among children. Others believe that the children's peer groups and parental role models are a much more powerful influence on children's behavior
Increasing violence in the media may not be the sole reason for the increasing violence. Though they do impact the society in a negative way. The increasing violence can provoke the people to become belligerent. Especially the youth or children. They start thinking that it is cool to act in a certain way because of the media. The increasing violence in the media can then have grave repercussions on the youth. Thus i agree with the issue.
First of all the increasing violence causes the society, primarily the children to act in an aggressive manner. The children are the ones who are most influenced by the macabre shown in the media becuase they are not able to differentiate between right or wrong. They do what they see. For this reason, the films or even tv shows are giving ratings. The pg-13 and R rating are specified to ensure that the children do not affected by the gross violence or immoral actions. Thus the childrens are most susceptible to violence.
Moreover even the adults are deeply manipulated by the increasing violence in the media. They become inured to the level of inquity and turpitude. They become apathetic to the violence in the real life. Rather then supressing it, they perpetuate it. Take todays case of vampire genre. This grotesque genre is being protrayed in the tv shows like vampire diaries or movies like twilight. The people's craze for this genre is habituating them to the violence. They find it attractive that a vampire can kill a human with a twist of hand.It is just a matter of time, when people start thinking that it is okay, even cool to kill a person. This mentality cannot be tolerated.
Finally even if there are patental role models and peer groups they are sometimes unperceptive or slack. The children don't take much time to adapt to the tv shows. However to notice this behavioural change , the parents have to make arduos afforts. For eg, if a child saw a person physically hurting another human being with a knife. The child can try to imitate it. If the parents are not in the proximity, he can severely harm himself or someone else. Thus the parents have to omnipresent and onmiscient all the time, to obviate such dire consequences, which is not always plausible.
As a result, the children and the adults are both adversely affected by the increasing violence in the media. The brutality can instigate bellicose nature or make the the people inured to such savagery. Both cases are deleterious to the society. Also the impressionable children are affected by it. Hence i agree with the claim.
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Sentence: The children are the ones who are most influenced by the macabre shown in the media becuase they are not able to differentiate between right or wrong.
Error: becuase Suggestion: because
Sentence: Thus the childrens are most susceptible to violence.
Error: childrens Suggestion: children
Sentence: They become inured to the level of inquity and turpitude.
Error: inquity Suggestion: inquiry
Sentence: Rather then supressing it, they perpetuate it.
Error: supressing Suggestion: suppressing
Sentence: This grotesque genre is being protrayed in the tv shows like vampire diaries or movies like twilight.
Error: protrayed Suggestion: portrayed
Sentence: Finally even if there are patental role models and peer groups they are sometimes unperceptive or slack.
Error: patental Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: However to notice this behavioural change , the parents have to make arduos afforts.
Error: afforts Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: arduos Suggestion: arduous
Sentence: Thus the parents have to omnipresent and onmiscient all the time, to obviate such dire consequences, which is not always plausible.
Error: onmiscient Suggestion: omniscient
flaws
No. of Spelling Errors: 9 2
Avg. Sentence Length: 13.088 21.0
You told: 'Hence i agree with the claim.', but there are two claims: Some people believe in A, others B. So you need to compare and contrast A/B in the arguments: why B is not more powerful.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 9 2
No. of Sentences: 34 15
No. of Words: 445 350
No. of Characters: 2065 1500
No. of Different Words: 208 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.593 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.64 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.58 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 137 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 102 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 73 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 43 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 13.088 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.836 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.441 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.241 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.412 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.046 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5