Children benefit more from playing outdoors with other children than from playing computer games indoors on their own To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

People hold different views about the benefits of children in term of playing. Some people believe that children doing outdoor activities have more benefits than those playing video games at home. Although, playing computer games at home can offer some benefits, I am more convinced with the idea that playing outdoor brings more benefits to children.
On the one hand, in this fast – paced world, with the hectic schedule of parents and the increasing rate of crimes, playing computer games seems to be the best choice of their parents. First of all, the competition is increasing day by day in the workplace and the rising of living standards, parents have to work longer hours than before. They do not have free time to take children outdoor such as park for playing sports or doing physical activities, so they have to let them stay at home and play computer games to prevent their children bothering them. Second, the rate of crimes is rising nowadays, parents do not want their children to be threaten or even kidnapper, especially helicopter parents who always want to control their children’s activities. They choose to let their children sit at home and play video games seems to be safer than going out. As a result, children do not have chance to develop their interpersonal skills such as communication or collaboration, leading them to be unsuccessful in the future.
On the other hand, children who can do activities outside can develop their soft skills. Playground is not just simply a place where children can place, it is also a place that children can meet others. Children who do more activities outside can have more chances to make friend with others and build more relationships, so they can develop their confidence when communicating with their friends. What is more, playing outdoor offer a chance to work in team or do some voluntary work after school that help them develop their interpersonal skills such as collaboration and prevent them from isolating themselves. Moreover, the immune system of children can be boosted by doing some exercises or doing sports, they are less likely to be sick in comparison with those who just stay indoors. Last but not least, to satisfy the curiosity of children about animals, insects or other things of the natural, it would be better to let them go outside and find the answers by themselves rather than sitting at home and watching or playing video games. It is not only help them understand about the world, but also give them a chance to interact directly with the nature.
In conclusion, although there are some worrying problems about the crimes or the safety of children, I strongly believe that children who enjoy outdoor activities with friends have more benefits than those playing computer games at home due to some benefits that I mention above.

Votes
Average: 8 (1 vote)

Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 7.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 476 350
No. of Characters: 2302 1500
No. of Different Words: 200 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.671 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.836 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.493 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 159 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 120 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 76 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 37 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.242 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.706 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.4 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.4 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.207 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5