Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age.

Submitted by dilroop on Fri, 06/21/2019 - 09:28

When it comes to decide what should be the ideal retirement age, different people have different views. Some believe every individual should retire after 65 years, regardless to his profession, while others maintain employees working for longer hours and in tough environmental conditions must retire at early age and receive pension benefits. I completely support the idea that authorities must consider the type of work to fix the retirement age.

First of all, Army personnel and defense staff always work for more 15 hours a day. Moreover, their job demands high standard of physical fitness and alertness. With such requirements one cannot work after 45 years whereas doctors and advocate could practice even at 65. Thus army men should get retire earlier.

Similarly, workers, working in mining industries such as coal mining, have to work in awful work conditions needs special consideration. Furthermore, such surroundings pose a serious threat to workers' health, For instance, in 2010 world health organization published a report that presented every year 1 million employees especially from mining business are diagnosed with lung cancer and the reason is inhalation of coal ashes. Hence, if mining workers are forced to work at their later age then their life expectancy would fall much shorter so they must retire earlier as compare to other professionals such as teachers.

In conclusion, it is the best approach to consider nature of the job for deciding the retirement age. As some types of workforce such as security and mining workers need special attention because of hazardous and tough working conditions which could have detrimental effect on their health so government should plan their early retirement.

Votes
Average: 7.8 (1 vote)
Essay Categories
IELTS Writing Task II - IELTS General Training

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 272, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Thus,
...and advocate could practice even at 65. Thus army men should get retire earlier. ...
^^^^
Line 5, column 572, Rule ID: COMP_THAN[3]
Message: Comparison requires 'than', not 'then' nor 'as'.
Suggestion: than
...uch shorter so they must retire earlier as compare to other professionals such as ...
^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
first, furthermore, hence, if, moreover, similarly, so, then, thus, whereas, while, for instance, in conclusion, such as, first of all

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 5.0 13.1623246493 38% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 7.85571142285 153% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 10.4138276553 77% => OK
Relative clauses : 4.0 7.30460921844 55% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 12.0 24.0651302605 50% => OK
Preposition: 29.0 41.998997996 69% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 8.3376753507 120% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1465.0 1615.20841683 91% => OK
No of words: 273.0 315.596192385 87% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.3663003663 5.12529762239 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.06481385082 4.20363070211 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.75156194398 2.80592935109 98% => OK
Unique words: 174.0 176.041082164 99% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.637362637363 0.561755894193 113% => OK
syllable_count: 438.3 506.74238477 86% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.60771543086 100% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 5.43587174349 55% => OK
Article: 0.0 2.52805611222 0% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.10420841683 190% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 0.809619238477 0% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.76152304609 63% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 12.0 16.0721442886 75% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 22.0 20.2975951904 108% => OK
Sentence length SD: 74.8569005206 49.4020404114 152% => OK
Chars per sentence: 122.083333333 106.682146367 114% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.75 20.7667163134 110% => OK
Discourse Markers: 11.1666666667 7.06120827912 158% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.38176352705 91% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.01903807615 40% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.67935871743 81% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 3.9879759519 75% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 3.4128256513 59% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.280606117174 0.244688304435 115% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.104273120324 0.084324248473 124% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0806208186225 0.0667982634062 121% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.172807927367 0.151304729494 114% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0907571013384 0.056905535591 159% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.2 13.0946893788 116% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 49.15 50.2224549098 98% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.44779559118 118% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 11.3001002004 105% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.16 12.4159519038 114% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.83 8.58950901804 103% => OK
difficult_words: 71.0 78.4519038076 91% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 9.78957915832 87% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 10.1190380762 107% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 10.7795591182 83% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Rates: 78.6516853933 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 7.0 Out of 9
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.