If you could study a subject that you have never had the opportunity to study, what would you choose? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details.
Students should have an amplified knowledge that should not be focus only in their field, instead it should cover bigger context from some themes as well. If I have the opportunity to study a new subject I would like to study art. Even though I am study to become Pharmacist I would like to have a better understanding of that matter, which will be beneficial for my live .
Art is everywhere. From the simplest piece of painting hanging in a restaurant wall, to a ballet playing at the local theater. As I been always studying my field, pharmacy, most of the time I had been in contact with Chemistry,Biology or Anatomy books. I barely have time to dedicate to study art. I feel interested in been in contact with art in any of its innumerable representations. For instance, when I go to see a ballet performing, I feel that most of the times I get lost. I don’t catch the most important parts of different scenes since I don’t understand was is going on at the stage. My friend Carlos, who introduce me to art comprehension theme, taught me that when dancers are performing I have to follow their movements. I have being doing my researches in the internet. I have learnt that when dancers are performing, their legs and arms gestures demonstrate their feelings. This is not enough yet to understand a ballet dance but I would like to go deeper in this aspect. If I have more time next year I would register in any course regarding this matter.
Painting is another kind of art that I am interested to be in contact with. I would like to learn how is the use of colors and what kind of material painters use to do their work. Moreover, painting if the kind of art that call my attention since I don’t know how describe or what to see when I am in front of a painting in a gallery. I have heard that painters show their feelings and way of thinking in their paintings. I also have heard that they have their styles, which are different among them, but I can’t differentiated their styles. That is why I would love to have better understanding of this field too.
To concluded with; I would like to study art since it is a subject that will change me. I would have more knowledge when I see ballet dancers performing, I would understand what painters are expressing in their work; both things would amplified my culture and my way to see the art in the future.
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should not be focus only in their field
should not focus only on their field
Sentence: Even though I am study to become Pharmacist I would like to have a better understanding of that matter, which will be beneficial for my live .
Description: A verb 'to be', present tense, 1st person singular is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to am and study
which will be beneficial for my live .
which will be beneficial for my life .
Sentence: I feel interested in been in contact with art in any of its innumerable representations.
Description: The token in is not usually followed by a verb 'to be', past participle
Suggestion: Refer to in and been
Sentence: I don't catch the most important parts of different scenes since I don't understand was is going on at the stage.
Description: The token was is not usually followed by a verb 'to be', present tense, 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to was and is
Sentence: My friend Carlos, who introduce me to art comprehension theme, taught me that when dancers are performing I have to follow their movements.
Description: The fragment who introduce me is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace introduce with verb, past tense
I have being doing my researches in the internet.
I have been doing my researches in the internet.
painting if the kind of art that call my attention
painting is the kind of art that calls my attention
Sentence: I also have heard that they have their styles, which are different among them, but I can't differentiated their styles.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, past participle
Suggestion: Refer to cannot and differentiated
Sentence: I would have more knowledge when I see ballet dancers performing, I would understand what painters are expressing in their work; both things would amplified my culture and my way to see the art in the future.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, past participle
Suggestion: Refer to would and amplified
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 12 2
Read a good grammar book.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 17 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 10 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 438 350
No. of Characters: 1881 1500
No. of Different Words: 193 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.575 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.295 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.599 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 111 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 77 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 59 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 37 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.043 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.328 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.435 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.395 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.503 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.136 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5