Coincident with most people's notion is my heartfelt belief that television advertising directed toward young children should not be allowed. Since the advent of television, advertising has permeated every corner and every minute of our life. It is not uncommon to observe the large amounts of television advertising aiming at innocent young children. My reasons for opposing advertising directed toward young children are as follows.
In the first place, advertising may waste money and cause emotional torture of parents when they fail to fulfill their children's unreasonable demands. However, nowadays, regardless of what children's true need, most of advertising are promoting a large number of products that is useless or unsuitable to children. For example, when a family is having a pleasant dinner together on Christmas Eve, a cartoon figure ---- lion king would appear on screen and hold a tub of popcorn to attract children's attention. It is a typical advertising strategy----host sale. By combining popular cartoon figures and products, advertising could draw children's attention and achieve a better sale. However, it may cause some problems; first, some children may be easy to be drawn into the content in the advertising; second, if children are attracted by it and they insist on purchasing it while parents consider the products as a piece of meaningless junk, cry and screams could drive their parents crazy. Therefore, advertising could cause problems not only for children to understand but also may bother and upset their parents.
Furthermore, advertising could mislead children for major goal of most of advertisings is to make profits whereas children between age two to five lack ability of understanding and judgment. Children are easily influenced by outside world, and admittedly television advertising play a negative role in this aspect for they tend to exaggerate the advantage of their products. For example, my two-year old younger brother is attracted to Transformer, Spiderman and Superman models. In his mind, these toys are magic, fantastic and powerful as imparted by advertising. In fact, they are just normal toys; they cannot fly, climb mountains or save people's life. Some two year old boys even are just babbling instead of speaking clearly, not to mention identifying misleading messages conveyed in the advertisings. Thus, these advertising has misled and distorted children’s' vision toward reality.
All in all, though there are some undeniable benefits of advertising for children; for example, advertising could open an amazing world of imagination and innovation for children by informing them what a fabulous Barbie or a magnificent castle is. However, these advantages could be ignored when its disadvantages are taken into consideration. It would mislead the children, distort their vision toward reality and even cause quarrels and financial burdens for parents.
- TPO 9 - Integrated essay 3
- TOEFL integrated writing: The sea otter 85
- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign country. 86
- Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 8: Agree or disagree? Television advertising directed towards young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed 90
- Technology made children less creative than past 78
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 23, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'peoples'' or 'people's'?
Suggestion: peoples'; people's
Coincident with most peoples notion is my heartfelt belief that tele...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...oward young children are as follows. In the first place, advertising may wast...
^^
Line 3, column 247, Rule ID: LARGE_NUMBER_OF[1]
Message: Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use 'many' or 'numerous'
Suggestion: many; numerous
...need, most of advertising are promoting a large number of products that is useless or unsuitable ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... may bother and upset their parents. Furthermore, advertising could mislead c...
^^
Line 5, column 69, Rule ID: MOST_SOME_OF_NNS[1]
Message: After 'most of', you should use 'the' ('most of the advertisings') or simply say ''most advertisings''.
Suggestion: most of the advertisings; most advertisings
...ould mislead children for major goal of most of advertisings is to make profits whereas children bet...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ildren's vision toward reality. All in all, though there are some undeni...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, furthermore, however, if, may, second, so, therefore, thus, whereas, while, for example, in fact, in the first place
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 21.0 15.1003584229 139% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 9.8082437276 153% => OK
Conjunction : 20.0 13.8261648746 145% => OK
Relative clauses : 5.0 11.0286738351 45% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 29.0 43.0788530466 67% => OK
Preposition: 54.0 52.1666666667 104% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 8.0752688172 87% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2487.0 1977.66487455 126% => OK
No of words: 452.0 407.700716846 111% => OK
Chars per words: 5.50221238938 4.8611393121 113% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.61088837703 4.48103885553 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.97474617487 2.67179642975 111% => OK
Unique words: 254.0 212.727598566 119% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.561946902655 0.524837075471 107% => OK
syllable_count: 756.9 618.680645161 122% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.51630824373 112% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 9.59856630824 115% => OK
Article: 1.0 3.08781362007 32% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 3.51792114695 114% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.94265232975 81% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 20.6003584229 102% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 20.1344086022 104% => OK
Sentence length SD: 59.999659863 48.9658058833 123% => OK
Chars per sentence: 118.428571429 100.406767564 118% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.5238095238 20.6045352989 104% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.38095238095 5.45110844103 117% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.5376344086 108% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 11.8709677419 93% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 3.85842293907 156% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.88709677419 82% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.263060684859 0.236089414692 111% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0877295196853 0.076458572812 115% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0758214714374 0.0737576698707 103% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.179712686721 0.150856017488 119% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0822558472718 0.0645574589148 127% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.2 11.7677419355 129% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 41.7 58.1214874552 72% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 10.1575268817 125% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.62 10.9000537634 134% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.94 8.01818996416 111% => OK
difficult_words: 122.0 86.8835125448 140% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 10.002688172 90% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 10.0537634409 103% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 10.247311828 88% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 90.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 27.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.