Frankly speaking, when you get board on the bus, almost every people are looking at their phones, thus the overwhelming majority would support that people spend too much time on personal entertainment, rather than doing things they are supposed to do. However, the others take the opposite attitude that people are entertaining themselves as well as doing their jobs. As far I am concerned, it is all about balance between the enjoying oneself and taking the responsibility. The reasons are as follows.
First of all, the country or the company still function well, indicating that people are doing what they should do. As integrant of a well-defined organization, we must make sure our jobs are done in order not to restrain the whole efforts made towards the collective goal. For example, last winter, I fell down walking on the icy road and broke my arm. I called 911 and the ambulance arrived in 5 minutes. I could recover really quickly is the result of all the people that relevant were doing their jobs and they did it pretty well. So people still take their responsibility when they are required.
Moreover, there is nothing wrong with personal entertainment. Pleasure is needed to help us relaxed. After a long-day work, we would like to play some games or have parties to enjoy ourselves. The meaning of personal entertainment is to prepare us for the up-coming work. Working without any entertainment would be too overwhelming and we cannot get our jobs done effectively and efficiently.
Last but not least, people spend too much time on personal entertainment doesn’t mean they don’t take their responsibility. Some people can well organize their own time. If someone choose to work productively and get it done quickly, he will have the right to control his own time left. For instance, my father usually works late trying to finish the job by Friday so that he can have a nice and relaxed weekend. His collages choose to work regularly weekdays and keep working on weekends. It is about the personal preference and capacity to balance their time.
To wrap up, it is possible for us to enjoy ourselves while get our jobs done efficiently.
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Essay evaluation report
almost every people are looking at their phones, thus the overwhelming majority would support
almost all people are looking at their phones, and thus the overwhelming majority would support //'thus' is a adverb
Definitions of thus
adverb
as a result or consequence of this; therefore.
Burke knocked out Byrne, thus becoming champion
synonyms: consequently, as a consequence, in consequence, thereby, so, that being so, therefore, ergo, accordingly, hence, as a result, for that reason, ipso facto, because of that, on that account
in the manner now being indicated or exemplified; in this way.
she phoned Susan, and while she was thus engaged, Charles summoned the doctor
synonyms: like that, in that way, so, like so
to this point; so.
the website has been cracked three times thus far
the country or the company still function well
the country or the company still functions well
I could recover really quickly is the result of all the people that relevant were doing their jobs and they did it pretty well.
That I could recover really quickly is the result of all the people who were relevant doing their jobs, and they did it pretty well.
If someone choose to work productively and get it done quickly,
If someone chooses to work productively and gets it done quickly,
Sentence: To wrap up, it is possible for us to enjoy ourselves while get our jobs done efficiently.
Description: A conjunction, subordinating is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to while and get
Sentence: As integrant of a well-defined organization, we must make sure our jobs are done in order not to restrain the whole efforts made towards the collective goal.
Error: integrant Suggestion: No alternate word
flaws:
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.727 21.0 //it is relatively low.
when you use personal experiences as examples, like:
I fell down walking on the icy road and broke my arm.
I called 911 and the ambulance arrived in 5 minutes.
I could recover really quickly
or you used other pronouns as subject, like: it, he, it....
all together will lower the Automated_readability_index
----------------------
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 22 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 368 350
No. of Characters: 1742 1500
No. of Different Words: 206 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.38 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.734 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.672 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 115 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 87 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 53 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 28 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.727 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.967 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.545 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.275 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.487 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.121 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 7, column 192, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'someone' must be used with a third-person verb: 'chooses'.
Suggestion: chooses
...ell organize their own time. If someone choose to work productively and get it done qu...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, frankly, however, if, look, moreover, really, so, still, thus, well, while, for example, for instance, as well as, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 15.1003584229 106% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 9.8082437276 102% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 13.8261648746 94% => OK
Relative clauses : 7.0 11.0286738351 63% => OK
Pronoun: 46.0 43.0788530466 107% => OK
Preposition: 38.0 52.1666666667 73% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 8.0752688172 149% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1811.0 1977.66487455 92% => OK
No of words: 366.0 407.700716846 90% => OK
Chars per words: 4.94808743169 4.8611393121 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.37391431897 4.48103885553 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.79698293875 2.67179642975 105% => OK
Unique words: 208.0 212.727598566 98% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.568306010929 0.524837075471 108% => OK
syllable_count: 559.8 618.680645161 90% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 9.59856630824 115% => OK
Interrogative: 1.0 0.994623655914 101% => OK
Article: 4.0 3.08781362007 130% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 3.51792114695 142% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.86738351254 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.94265232975 40% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 20.6003584229 107% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 20.1344086022 79% => OK
Sentence length SD: 47.3125924565 48.9658058833 97% => OK
Chars per sentence: 82.3181818182 100.406767564 82% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.6363636364 20.6045352989 81% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.31818181818 5.45110844103 116% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.53405017921 110% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.5376344086 18% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 15.0 11.8709677419 126% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 3.85842293907 26% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.88709677419 123% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.273851114235 0.236089414692 116% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0712065871698 0.076458572812 93% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0927414317206 0.0737576698707 126% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.144000200741 0.150856017488 95% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.109522950385 0.0645574589148 170% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.2 11.7677419355 87% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 63.7 58.1214874552 110% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.4 10.1575268817 83% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.13 10.9000537634 102% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.67 8.01818996416 96% => OK
difficult_words: 75.0 86.8835125448 86% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 10.002688172 110% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.4 10.0537634409 84% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 10.247311828 78% => The average readability is low. Need to improve the language.
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Try to use less pronouns (like 'It, I, They, We, You...') as the subject of a sentence.
Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.