Some people have argued that, offering money to children for their high grades would be a kind of bribe and could have negative consequences; however, I believe that it motivates them to study hard. Also, they will learn how it is difficult to make money. Besides, children would learn responsibility.
One of the most important aspects of offering monetary rewards to children is motivation. Kids need stimulus for doing their works, like other people. Today, with advancing in technology, children spend most of their time on cellphones, online games, and social network web sites. Therefore, they may delicate a little time for study, and as a result, they might fail in their exams. Whereas, offering a monetary prize could be the best motivation for them to try hard and do their best in schools.
In addition, as the technology advances, the world changes remarkably and in some families, both parents have to work hard to adapt their live conditions with these changes and make money for foods and clothes. Unfortunately, most children don't know how it is difficult to make money. In other words, they don't know the value of money. I believe that, offering a monetary reward to children could motivate them to study hard, and when they achieve it, they would learn that making money is really hard and trying to save it.
I believe that, by offering money, parents can learn their children responsibility. Nowadays, parents need to prepare their kids for their future life. Being responsible is one of the most important prerequisites for any future success and achievement. Therefore, by offering money for good grades, parents will learn children that they would be responsible for their low grades too. In other words, they would be responsible for their low grades and should take its consequences.
In conclusion, although some people may believe that, offering money to young children for their high marks in schools, could cause negative effects, I think it would benefit them a lot, because they will motivated enough to study hard. Moreover, they will learn that making money is really difficult and trying to save it. Furthermore, by offering money, parents will learn them that they would be responsible for their successes and failures.
- TPO-33 - Integrated Writing Task 73
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 240, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
...d clothes. Unfortunately, most children dont know how it is difficult to make money....
^^^^
Line 3, column 306, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
...ult to make money. In other words, they dont know the value of money. I believe that...
^^^^
Line 5, column 206, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: 'motivate'
Suggestion: motivate
...d benefit them a lot, because they will motivated enough to study hard. Moreover, they wi...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, besides, furthermore, however, if, may, moreover, really, so, therefore, whereas, i think, in addition, in conclusion, kind of, as a result, in other words
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 12.0 15.1003584229 79% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 23.0 9.8082437276 234% => Less auxiliary verb wanted.
Conjunction : 13.0 13.8261648746 94% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 11.0286738351 91% => OK
Pronoun: 51.0 43.0788530466 118% => OK
Preposition: 37.0 52.1666666667 71% => OK
Nominalization: 4.0 8.0752688172 50% => More nominalization wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1890.0 1977.66487455 96% => OK
No of words: 372.0 407.700716846 91% => OK
Chars per words: 5.08064516129 4.8611393121 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.39173103935 4.48103885553 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.61967572235 2.67179642975 98% => OK
Unique words: 162.0 212.727598566 76% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.435483870968 0.524837075471 83% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 566.1 618.680645161 92% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 9.59856630824 115% => OK
Interrogative: 0.0 0.994623655914 0% => OK
Article: 1.0 3.08781362007 32% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 3.51792114695 85% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.86738351254 161% => OK
Preposition: 9.0 4.94265232975 182% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 20.6003584229 97% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 20.1344086022 89% => OK
Sentence length SD: 54.3575201789 48.9658058833 111% => OK
Chars per sentence: 94.5 100.406767564 94% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.6 20.6045352989 90% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.05 5.45110844103 148% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.53405017921 110% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.5376344086 54% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 11.8709677419 84% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 3.85842293907 156% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.88709677419 82% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.247684165917 0.236089414692 105% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0970198556484 0.076458572812 127% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0508622300646 0.0737576698707 69% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.169509005406 0.150856017488 112% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0313625735591 0.0645574589148 49% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.8 11.7677419355 100% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 61.67 58.1214874552 106% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.1 10.1575268817 90% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.18 10.9000537634 112% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.29 8.01818996416 91% => OK
difficult_words: 65.0 86.8835125448 75% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 7.0 10.002688172 70% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 10.0537634409 92% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 10.247311828 88% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.