TPO-40 - Integrated Writing Task Many scientists believe it would be possible to maintain a permanent human presence on Mars or the Moon. On the other hand, conditions on Venus are so extreme and inhospitable that maintaining a human presence there would

There always have been this thought that human should finally migrate to another planet as the earth may not always be suitable for human beings to live on. So, scientists have always been looking for new methods and making equipements for that purpose. Of course there is disagreements between scientists. Some of them say that we can live on another planet while others say that we are not sophisticated enough to live on another palnet. This time they are arguing that if humans can live on Venus or not.

The first reason that passage mentions is that the pressure on Venus is extremely high which may cause significant problems for humans and their equipments. While the passage mentions the pressure on Venus' surface as a serious problem, the proffessor doesn't accept that and suggest suloutions for the problem. As the proffessor said, we do not have to live on Venus' surface. Instead, we can live 50 kilometers above Venus' surface using space stations like balloons. With that being said, the problem of pressure can be solved by living on Venus' atmosphere instead of its surface.

Another reason that the passage points to is that because of the stucture of Venus' surface and material found on it, we do not have any source of water. So scientists should have a very advanced technology to import water from earth. However that may seem impossible to import from other planets like earth, the proffessor suggests that we can make water ourselves in the station. Using different chemical on Venus, it is actually possible to create water rather that importing it from other places.

The last reason seen on the passage is the sun radiations. As the passage mentions, it is not possible to recieve enough light while living on Venus' surface. But using the proffessor's idea about living 50 kilometers above the planet's surface, we can use both lighs coming from the sun and the sun light reflected from the clouds. With this amount of sunlight, we can produce enough electricity to continue living.

So as the passage's suggestion may seem to be correct, with logical reasons we can have a different conclusion. We always can solve problems by looking at them in another way. However there might be other challenges, but it now seem possible for human to live on Venus as a alternative palce for earth.

Votes
Average: 7.1 (3 votes)
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 265, Rule ID: THERE_S_MANY[3]
Message: Did you mean 'there are disagreements'?
Suggestion: there are disagreements
...equipements for that purpose. Of course there is disagreements between scientists. Some of them say th...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 252, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...ce as a serious problem, the proffessor doesnt accept that and suggest suloutions for ...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 235, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
... technology to import water from earth. However that may seem impossible to import from...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 11, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'passages'' or 'passage's'?
Suggestion: passages'; passage's
...ricity to continue living. So as the passages suggestion may seem to be correct, with...
^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 176, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...lems by looking at them in another way. However there might be other challenges, but it...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 228, Rule ID: IT_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'seems'?
Suggestion: seems
...e might be other challenges, but it now seem possible for human to live on Venus as ...
^^^^
Line 9, column 272, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
... possible for human to live on Venus as a alternative palce for earth.
^

Discourse Markers used:
['actually', 'but', 'finally', 'first', 'however', 'if', 'look', 'may', 'so', 'while', 'of course']

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance in Part of Speech:
Nouns: 0.235431235431 0.261695866417 90% => OK
Verbs: 0.160839160839 0.158904122519 101% => OK
Adjectives: 0.0629370629371 0.0723426182421 87% => OK
Adverbs: 0.0536130536131 0.0435111971325 123% => OK
Pronouns: 0.048951048951 0.0277247811725 177% => OK
Prepositions: 0.158508158508 0.128828473217 123% => OK
Participles: 0.041958041958 0.0370669169778 113% => OK
Conjunctions: 2.50011247944 2.5805825403 97% => OK
Infinitives: 0.027972027972 0.0208969081088 134% => OK
Particles: 0.0 0.00154638098197 0% => OK
Determiners: 0.0979020979021 0.128158765124 76% => OK
Modal_auxiliary: 0.037296037296 0.0158828679856 235% => OK
WH_determiners: 0.00699300699301 0.0114777025283 61% => OK

Vocabulary words and sentences:
No of characters: 2317.0 1645.83664459 141% => OK
No of words: 395.0 271.125827815 146% => OK
Chars per words: 5.86582278481 6.08160592843 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.45809453852 4.04852973271 110% => OK
words length more than 5 chars: 0.354430379747 0.374372842146 95% => OK
words length more than 6 chars: 0.255696202532 0.287516216867 89% => OK
words length more than 7 chars: 0.159493670886 0.187439937562 85% => OK
words length more than 8 chars: 0.0835443037975 0.113142543107 74% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.50011247944 2.5805825403 97% => OK
Unique words: 180.0 145.348785872 124% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.455696202532 0.539623497131 84% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
Word variations: 48.4117782399 53.8517498576 90% => OK
How many sentences: 21.0 13.0529801325 161% => OK
Sentence length: 18.8095238095 21.7502111507 86% => OK
Sentence length SD: 36.6705007272 49.3711431718 74% => OK
Chars per sentence: 110.333333333 132.220823453 83% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.8095238095 21.7502111507 86% => OK
Discourse Markers: 0.52380952381 0.878197800319 60% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.09492273731 122% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 3.39072847682 206% => Correct essay format wanted or double check grammar & spelling issues after essay writing.
Readability: 44.3791440627 50.5018328374 88% => OK
Elegance: 1.65486725664 1.90840788429 87% => OK

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.610702384217 0.549887131256 111% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence: 0.159626271325 0.142949733639 112% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence SD: 0.0883769429048 0.0787303798458 112% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence: 0.527978783403 0.631733273073 84% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence SD: 0.143965629534 0.139662658121 103% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.222434042694 0.266732575781 83% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.114738655341 0.103435571967 111% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence: 0.305765391669 0.414875509568 74% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence SD: 0.0744046170723 0.0530846634433 140% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.395334073254 0.40443939384 98% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.1183369789 0.0528353158467 224% => OK

Task Achievement:
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 4.33554083885 115% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 4.45695364238 157% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.26048565121 211% => Less neutral sentences wanted.
Positive topic words: 2.0 3.49668874172 57% => OK
Negative topic words: 5.0 3.62251655629 138% => OK
Neutral topic words: 7.0 3.1766004415 220% => OK
Total topic words: 14.0 10.2958057395 136% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

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Less content wanted. Write the essay in 20 minutes.
Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
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Note: This is not the final score. The e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.

there is disagreements between scientists
there are disagreements among scientists

Sentence: So, scientists have always been looking for new methods and making equipements for that purpose.
Error: equipements Suggestion: equipment

Sentence: Some of them say that we can live on another planet while others say that we are not sophisticated enough to live on another palnet.
Error: palnet Suggestion: planet

Sentence: While the passage mentions the pressure on Venus' surface as a serious problem, the proffessor doesn't accept that and suggest suloutions for the problem.
Error: suloutions Suggestion: solutions
Error: proffessor Suggestion: professor

Sentence: As the proffessor said, we do not have to live on Venus' surface.
Error: proffessor Suggestion: professor

Sentence: Another reason that the passage points to is that because of the stucture of Venus' surface and material found on it, we do not have any source of water.
Error: stucture Suggestion: structure

Sentence: However that may seem impossible to import from other planets like earth, the proffessor suggests that we can make water ourselves in the station.
Error: proffessor Suggestion: professor

Sentence: As the passage mentions, it is not possible to recieve enough light while living on Venus' surface.
Error: recieve Suggestion: receive

Sentence: But using the proffessor's idea about living 50 kilometers above the planet's surface, we can use both lighs coming from the sun and the sun light reflected from the clouds.
Error: lighs Suggestion: light

Sentence: However there might be other challenges, but it now seem possible for human to live on Venus as a alternative palce for earth.
Error: palce Suggestion: pace

flaws:
No. of Words: 396 250 //Write the essay in 20 minutes. It is a wrong way to develop ingratiated essays like independent essays.

Number of Paragraphs: 5 4
better to have 4 paragraphs:
para 1: introduction
para 2: doubt 1
para 3: doubt 2
para 4: doubt 3

Don't need a conclusion paragraph.

Read sample essays from ETS:
http://www.testbig.com/users/toeflwritingmaster

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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 20 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 9 2
No. of Sentences: 21 12
No. of Words: 396 250
No. of Characters: 1878 1200
No. of Different Words: 178 150
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.461 4.2
Average Word Length: 4.742 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.448 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 134 80
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 97 60
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 54 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 31 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.857 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.498 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.344 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.551 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.216 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 4