Integrated essay. ETS OFFICIAL TOEFL iBT TEST-4
The passage states about the problem, advantages of advertisement and security in a franchise supporting it to be the safest business, which the lecture completely refutes. In addition to that, the professor is giving an extra information about the safe business.
Firstly, the passage says franchise to be less risky than having own business and it is not costly as well, as it has already reliable suppliers, equipment, raw materials. However, the professor disagrees because studies show that franchise is not the best business, because many parent company force them to buy some specific products which are overpriced than the equivalent materials which are cheaper in market.
Secondly, advertisement by the parent company can not be considered to be beneficial for the franchise owner as they do it for their business not particularly for the franchise owners. Still they have to pay the 6% of the total sum of benefit for the advertisement. Hence, its not true as mentioned in the passage.
Third point is about security in own business and franchise. Which is low for franchise according to the passage. But, the lecture refutes the point stating that, it is not the most safe business. In addition, the professor says about buying already existing business, which the passage is missing out. which has the chance of succeeding twice than the benefit of its previous owner.
Thus the lecture casts doubt about all the three points made in the passage about franchise and own business. It proves buying already existing business to be the best one, which has lesser risk and more security than franchise and own business.
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Sentence: Hence, its not true as mentioned in the passage.
Description: A determiner, possessive is not usually followed by a negator
Suggestion: Refer to its and not
flaws:
Not in the right format.
The correct pattern:
para 1: introduction
para 2: doubt 1
para 3: doubt 2
para 4: doubt 3
Don't need to reiterate the contents of reading passages.
Don't need a conclusion.
Read sample essays from ETS:
http://www.testbig.com/users/toeflwritingmaster
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 22 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 13 12
No. of Words: 268 250
No. of Characters: 1326 1200
No. of Different Words: 124 150
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.046 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.948 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.623 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 97 80
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 82 60
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 55 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 32 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.615 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.854 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.769 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.416 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.649 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.099 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 4