The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
The bar chart illustrates the number of people in hours who has leisure time according to their employment status during 1998 and 1999 years. Overall, it obvious that this chart shows differences between men and women which of them are unemployed and retired indicate the same tendency with each others in their spare time.
To begin, the number of females demonstrates itself in every category amoung mentioned ones unlike men which means that part time employes and housewives just consist of females with 40 and 50 hours respectively. Full time employed women show the lowest hours while unemployed and retired women display the highest rate of themselves whereas it is not more than men.
During followed years in speding leisure time men seem really carefull about it which shows itself with their majority in where their indicades appear. The lowest indicades of the men are observed with 50 hours amoung employed people. On the other hand during a week men spend 80 hours of their weekly time like a spare both of unemployed and retired ones.
To conclude, from 1998 to 1999 men are dominate in spending their time like spare amoung even employed people.
Overall, it obvious that
Overall, it is obvious that
the same tendency with each others in their spare time.
the same tendency with each other in their spare time.
Overall, it obvious that this chart shows differences between men and women which of them are unemployed and retired indicate the same tendency with each others in their spare time.
Suggestion: Can you re-write this sentence?
men seem really carefull about it
Description: 'it' refer to what?
Sentence: To begin, the number of females demonstrates itself in every category amoung mentioned ones unlike men which means that part time employes and housewives just consist of females with 40 and 50 hours respectively.
Error: amoung Suggestion: among
Error: employes Suggestion: employed
Sentence: During followed years in speding leisure time men seem really carefull about it which shows itself with their majority in where their indicades appear.
Error: carefull Suggestion: careful
Error: indicades Suggestion: indicates
Error: speding Suggestion: spending
Sentence: The lowest indicades of the men are observed with 50 hours amoung employed people.
Error: amoung Suggestion: among
Error: indicades Suggestion: indicates
Sentence: To conclude, from 1998 to 1999 men are dominate in spending their time like spare amoung even employed people.
Error: amoung Suggestion: among
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 8 2
Didn't explain the charts exactly.
Read a good grammar book.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 8 2
No. of Sentences: 8 10
No. of Words: 195 200
No. of Characters: 953 1000
No. of Different Words: 107 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.737 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.887 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.289 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 64 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 43 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 28 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 14 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.375 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.743 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.375 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.477 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.722 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.115 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4